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It's often difficult to say no, but some people never do! So how do you know when to say no and when to say yes?
Often the answer's obvious: it's easy to say no when someone wants you to do something that makes you feel uncomfortable. And it's easy to say yes when you're asked to do something you want to do: yes, I will go shopping with you; I'm looking out for some new shoes. But the answer isn't always so clear cut. For example, what if a friend asks you to meet for drinks - you feel you ought to agree, but after an exhausting week, you'd been planning a quiet evening relaxing at home? Or what if you want to say yes, but you say no because you're scared of trying something new?
You're not the only one to feel confused in these scenarios. It's usually easier to say yes than to say no; we're hard-wired to want to please others, and we often prefer to avoid conflict, so we agree to things to avoid disappointing or angering them. If you'd like to be more assertive and make better decisions, Bach Flowers Mix 44 helps to boost your self-confidence and supports you to believe in yourself more.
Today, we're always connected, and the risk of emotional and physical burnout is real. So it's crucial to look after your wellbeing by setting boundaries and being able to say no when you need to.
Firstly," No!" is a sentence, and there's no need to add anything more. If you're being asked to do something that's unsafe or that you don't feel comfortable with, just saying "No" is enough. This may take a little practice because you'll probably be tempted to add an explanation. But if someone is rude, aggressive or challenging, there's no need to elaborate further.
However, there will be many occasions when you might want to add a little explanation, for example, when you're saying no to a friend. In this case, tact can help to diffuse any feelings of rejection.
For example, say you have to prepare for a presentation at work, and a friend asks you to go to the cinema with them that evening. You say no, but explain that you have some work to do and suggest an alternative time to meet up. This tactic establishes a boundary without hurting your friend's feelings.
Many people are so busy with a job, family commitments, hobbies and volunteering that they spread themselves very thinly. The saying goes that if you want something done, ask a busy person to do it; the implication is that they never say no! But the danger of agreeing to everything is that you can lose sight of your own needs and feel overwhelmed.
Learn to say no when you need to protect your physical and mental wellbeing. Introverts especially need time and space to restore their energy after socialising. As above, you can say no in a diplomatic way and suggest alternatives.
We're sometimes worried about saying no because we want to be likeable, and we fear that no one will ever invite us again. But real friends will understand when you say no to doing something and will readily accept your reasons.
Saying yes isn't always easy. For example, socially anxious people and those who need time and space on their own sometimes find it hard to say yes to occasions such as parties, community events and business conferences. But pushing yourself out of your comfort zone is essential to develop and grow.
If you always say no to experiences such as a social event or class to learn a new sport, you'll stifle your development and find that you're missing out on fantastic opportunities. For example, if you've been invited to a party and you're worried you don't know many people, it's the easy option to always say no and stay at home.
But you never know who you might meet in such a situation: a new partner, new friends or a potential new employer. If you don't go, you'll never find out! You may feel more in control if you tell yourself, "I'll go and just stay for an hour" or "I'll go and talk to five different people before I leave". Giving yourself an "out" makes the event seem less overwhelming, and you might end up having a great evening!
It can be a challenge when you're afraid of looking foolish in front of others. Maybe there's a class or sport that you'd like to try out, but you're worried that you might look silly or incompetent.
But what does it matter if you're no good at whatever it is? That's why you've come to the class! And that's also why everyone else is there, so the chances are that they'll be focussing on trying to get it right themselves. Knowing that no one is watching you takes the stress out of the situation. And if you go and find you don't enjoy it, you don't have to go back.
You're in control, so always remember that you can say no without further explanation to anything you're not comfortable with. You can also say no tactfully without damaging your friendships. And don't forget to sometimes say yes to things that might seem nerve-wracking. Pushing yourself out of your comfortable place stretches you and lets you grow.
Sources:
https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/speak-easy/201709/how-say-no-assertively-request-your-time
http://changingminds.org/techniques/assertiveness/saying_no.htm
Created by Tom Vermeersch (bio)
Tom Vermeersch is a certified Psychologist and Bach flower expert with more than 30 years of experience.
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It's often difficult to say no, but some people never do! So how do you know when to say no and when to say yes?
Often the answer's obvious: it's easy to say no when someone wants you to do something that makes you feel uncomfortable. And it's easy to say yes when you're asked to do something you want to do: yes, I will go shopping with you; I'm looking out for some new shoes. But the answer isn't always so clear cut. For example, what if a friend asks you to meet for drinks - you feel you ought to agree, but after an exhausting week, you'd been planning a quiet evening relaxing at home? Or what if you want to say yes, but you say no because you're scared of trying something new?
You're not the only one to feel confused in these scenarios. It's usually easier to say yes than to say no; we're hard-wired to want to please others, and we often prefer to avoid conflict, so we agree to things to avoid disappointing or angering them. If you'd like to be more assertive and make better decisions, Bach Flowers Mix 44 helps to boost your self-confidence and supports you to believe in yourself more.
Today, we're always connected, and the risk of emotional and physical burnout is real. So it's crucial to look after your wellbeing by setting boundaries and being able to say no when you need to.
Firstly," No!" is a sentence, and there's no need to add anything more. If you're being asked to do something that's unsafe or that you don't feel comfortable with, just saying "No" is enough. This may take a little practice because you'll probably be tempted to add an explanation. But if someone is rude, aggressive or challenging, there's no need to elaborate further.
However, there will be many occasions when you might want to add a little explanation, for example, when you're saying no to a friend. In this case, tact can help to diffuse any feelings of rejection.
For example, say you have to prepare for a presentation at work, and a friend asks you to go to the cinema with them that evening. You say no, but explain that you have some work to do and suggest an alternative time to meet up. This tactic establishes a boundary without hurting your friend's feelings.
Many people are so busy with a job, family commitments, hobbies and volunteering that they spread themselves very thinly. The saying goes that if you want something done, ask a busy person to do it; the implication is that they never say no! But the danger of agreeing to everything is that you can lose sight of your own needs and feel overwhelmed.
Learn to say no when you need to protect your physical and mental wellbeing. Introverts especially need time and space to restore their energy after socialising. As above, you can say no in a diplomatic way and suggest alternatives.
We're sometimes worried about saying no because we want to be likeable, and we fear that no one will ever invite us again. But real friends will understand when you say no to doing something and will readily accept your reasons.
Saying yes isn't always easy. For example, socially anxious people and those who need time and space on their own sometimes find it hard to say yes to occasions such as parties, community events and business conferences. But pushing yourself out of your comfort zone is essential to develop and grow.
If you always say no to experiences such as a social event or class to learn a new sport, you'll stifle your development and find that you're missing out on fantastic opportunities. For example, if you've been invited to a party and you're worried you don't know many people, it's the easy option to always say no and stay at home.
But you never know who you might meet in such a situation: a new partner, new friends or a potential new employer. If you don't go, you'll never find out! You may feel more in control if you tell yourself, "I'll go and just stay for an hour" or "I'll go and talk to five different people before I leave". Giving yourself an "out" makes the event seem less overwhelming, and you might end up having a great evening!
It can be a challenge when you're afraid of looking foolish in front of others. Maybe there's a class or sport that you'd like to try out, but you're worried that you might look silly or incompetent.
But what does it matter if you're no good at whatever it is? That's why you've come to the class! And that's also why everyone else is there, so the chances are that they'll be focussing on trying to get it right themselves. Knowing that no one is watching you takes the stress out of the situation. And if you go and find you don't enjoy it, you don't have to go back.
You're in control, so always remember that you can say no without further explanation to anything you're not comfortable with. You can also say no tactfully without damaging your friendships. And don't forget to sometimes say yes to things that might seem nerve-wracking. Pushing yourself out of your comfortable place stretches you and lets you grow.
Sources:
https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/speak-easy/201709/how-say-no-assertively-request-your-time
http://changingminds.org/techniques/assertiveness/saying_no.htm
Most people are disappointed when others don't meet their expectations. But when you always expect too much, it isn't healthy, either for yourself or for others. If you often find yourself feeling let down by your loved ones or even by strangers, could it be that you have unrealistic ideas of how people should act?
Read the complete article
Millions of people furloughed for months are now being recalled to work. Others, who have been working from home throughout the lockdown, are returning to the office. And some jobs have simply disappeared: many people are facing redundancy and will soon have to cope with job hunting. Going back to work after an unprecedented length of time at home is quite a challenge.
After 25 years in the Bach flower world, we asked ourselves, is now the right time for our own new name? Not only have we grown, but so have you, along with the confidence you have in us. That's why we want to connect ourselves to our own name. That name is Mariepure.
Being happy is something everybody strives for, but unfortunately there are a lot of people who go through life unhappily. A lot of people take life how it is.
Read the complete article
As parents, we often worry about a poor school report as much, if not more, as our kids do! And if your child's grades are slipping, you'll be looking for reasons and if there's anything you can do to help.
Have you ever noticed that some people are instantly likeable? Many people believe that people will only like you because of natural traits you're born with: good looks, talent and sociability. But this is a misconception. Getting people to like you is within your control, and it's all to do with self-belief, knowing yourself and being emotionally intelligent. Here's what to do to be more likeable.
Feel like everyone takes you for granted? Whether it's working late to prepare a presentation or cooking a special birthday meal for your partner, it's nice to be appreciated when you've made an extra effort. And if it seems as if people don't notice, you might feel as if no one values you.
Read the complete article
Do you sometimes feel your achievements are not the result of your hard work and skill but are just luck? And do you fear that one day, someone will reveal you as an imposter or fraud? You might have imposter syndrome!
Learn how to recognise the signs of stress and avoid slipping into a burnout or a bore-out
Do you sometimes despair about humanity because it seems there are far more bad people than good? Are we primarily selfish individuals, thinking only about our own needs? Or is this cynical belief just because we spend so much time online? The truth is more complicated!
Bach Flowers are not medicinal but harmless plant extracts which are used to support health.
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