Did you get stuck in the past?

Do you find yourself often thinking about your past? Do you wish you could turn back the clock to days gone by or things as they were before covid disrupted the world? Nostalgia means longing for your past, although possibly in a rose-tinted version. We reminisce about people, places, experiences and things that are past - or even for the earlier versions of ourselves.

Nostalgia originally meant homesickness, a condition when we long to be elsewhere. And unlike fantasy, nostalgia doesn't offer an alternative to reality. When we feel nostalgic, we know we are in the present. We simply feel like taking a trip down memory lane to a place where we remember things as better than they are nowadays.

Can nostalgia be positive?

In previous decades, psychologists tended to focus on nostalgia as negative. This is because it was thought to stop us from accepting what we have lost and prevent us from living in the present. But more recent research now sees that nostalgia can positively affect our mental health.

Researchers now see that nostalgia can help us feel more connected as we recall good times with our loved ones. We may also be inspired to face the challenges of the present - good things happened to us in days gone by, so if we aim to achieve our goals, good times might happen again. In addition, nostalgia can provide us with a stronger sense of identity - we are connected to the past and are someone who belongs.

In stressful times, nostalgic memories can counteract loneliness, support us to cope emotionally and cognitively, and strengthen our cultural identity and social bonds. For example, emigrants may find that sharing reminiscences of their homeland may discover that it helps them to settle in their new country.

But does nostalgia have a dark side?

Therapists now think there are different kinds of nostalgia, and some types are not helpful. For example, the longing when we miss things from the past that make us feel more connected and motivated to recreate these happy times is known as personal nostalgia. But sometimes, we start to miss things while they are still happening. This is known as anticipatory nostalgia and leads to worrying, sadness and anxiety.

Badly-timed nostalgia may also impact our ability to learn from our memories. For example, if you meet someone you like, but rather than being happy in the present, you start to feel anxious and sad about how you will feel when the relationship is over.

The nostalgia that is unconscious and random can also be harmful. When we consciously try to remember the past, it can elevate our mood. But when nostalgia intrudes into our thoughts at unexpected moments, it is more likely to affect us negatively.

Are you living too much in the past?

Consider how nostalgia makes you feel. When you are constantly caught up in nostalgia and feeling sad and discouraged, it can be a sign of other problems. Ask yourself:

• Are you stuck in the past and held back by random nostalgic thoughts?
• Are you constantly comparing the here and now unfavourably to (rose-tinted) memories of the past?
• Do you find that you can't enjoy good things as they happen because you worry about how sad you will feel when they're over?

If nostalgia is holding you back, Bach Flower Honeysuckle helps you let go of the past, good or bad, so you don't get stuck in the "good old days".

Nostalgia can become a mental health issue

Unhealthy, negative thought patterns can sometimes seem like nostalgia but can be signs of various mental health issues, such as:

Depression can be triggered by going over the past repeatedly, with feelings of guilt, unworthiness and self-hatred.

Rumination is when you can't stop focusing on distressing things that happened in the past and trying to work out why they happened and the possible consequences.

An addiction to romance and love can lead us to think obsessively about an ex or someone we met, so much so that it impacts our ability to cope with daily life. As a result, we may hide our feelings from our friends and family.

Anxiety is when we are always worrying about the future in a fearful way that becomes increasingly illogical. Anticipatory nostalgia can sometimes start to make you feel panicky and tense, and these feelings can develop into anxiety.

How to live in the present

If you feel that your glorification of the past is holding you back in life, the best thing to do is to take control and choose to be more positive.

Living in the moment requires you to appreciate your surroundings, who you are with and what you are doing. Instead of being caught up in memories or being anxious about the future, savour every moment. Breaking the habit of nostalgia can seem a challenge at first, but these tips will help you to focus on being more present:

• Notice your surroundings
• Feel gratitude for what you have
• Spend time with those who make you happy
• Accept things as they are rather than yearning for how you would like them to bee
• Don't multitask; focus on one thing at a time
• Practice mindfulness or meditate
• Take a break from technology and social media
• Exercise regularly

A final thought

Focus on the here-and-now and leave the past behind. The past may have made you who you are today, but it doesn't define you in the future. Choosing to be less nostalgic and more optimistic about the present will allow you to succeed in achieving your goals and lead you to a happy, fulfilled life.

Sources:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/depression-management-techniques/201604/rumination-problem-in-anxiety-and-depression

https://www.wellandgood.com/stuck-in-past/

Other articles

Choose for your happiness!

Being happy is something everybody strives for, but unfortunately there are a lot of people who go through life unhappily. A lot of people take life how it is.

What to do when the spark is fading

Why do you feel butterflies at the start of a new romance, and how can you keep the flame burning in a long term relationship as the spark starts to fade?

Stop worrying and live in the moment

People spend so much of their time regretting the past and worrying about the future. But it’s not worth it! Even what happened yesterday doesn't matter anymore! Let go of the past and the future and make the most of every moment.

What makes it so hard to go back to work?

Millions of people furloughed for months are now being recalled to work. Others, who have been working from home throughout the lockdown, are returning to the office. And some jobs have simply disappeared: many people are facing redundancy and will soon have to cope with job hunting. Going back to work after an unprecedented length of time at home is quite a challenge.

Tips to balance your negative aspects

Everyone is unique, even in their own bad habits or negative traits. Here are some tips to balance those negative traits in our new article!

Signs of depression under the radar

It is not always obvious when someone is experiencing depression. Some people with depression mask their symptoms, hiding their feelings behind a smile to convince others they are happy.

What can you do if your kid doesn't want to go back to school?

What can you do if your kid doesn't want to go back to school? Here are our hints and tips to help if your child is expressing a refusal to go to school.

Are you resilient enough? Take our quiz!

Do you have enough resilience to face the world out there? Take our quiz to find out how resilient you are and find tips on how to build your mental resilience.

Do you think too much? Or too little?

Feel like you overthink too much? Having a hard time making decisions? Or feel like you don’t consider your options enough? Find out how to strike a balance.

Even the brightest minds have setbacks!

We all want to be successful but many of us find the path to achieving our dreams is blocked by our fear of failure. Whether you’re trying to lose weight, go backpacking around the world or start up a new business, you need to accept that you might fail many times over before you achieve success.