Summer is a distant memory and winter has been heralded in. On the downside daylight hours are shorter and dark nights are longer, but on the upside there are the holidays to look forward to, when most of us seem to lose ourselves in a frenzy of shopping, feasting and partying. Unfortunately, some people dread this time of the year and the holidays, because for them – and you may be one of them – it is not the most wonderful time of the year at all. It is one of the loneliest.
If the thought of the festivities is making you feel down and disheartened, you are not alone. Hundreds of thousands of people feel the same way. Many will feel lonely because they have lost someone important to them – perhaps through bereavement, separation or divorce - or because their loved ones are far away. Or it may be that you are socially very introverted and find it difficult to make friends or mix with others.
People who are lonely will take no pleasure in watching others sparkle and shine. They will see how others are engaging and connecting with their friends and loved ones and this may well make them feel sad and isolated. If you are lonely, the chances are that you are missing the intimacy of close relationships. You will feel rejection keenly, and your perceived failure to make friends or enjoy yourself may make you feel very negative. It becomes a vicious circle - a fear of failing to connect with others, which means you won’t try, which makes you feel lonelier. You have to try to break the circle.
You can’t get back what you have lost, but you can make some efforts and improve your life a little so that you can get through these few weeks until life returns to normal. Whatever the cause of your loneliness during the holiday season, here are some tips to help you see the festivities through.
If you hold yourself back thanks to your introversion or social anxiety, set yourself some small goals that will take you a little way out of your comfort zone. Buy a cheerful festive jumper and attend one or two gatherings, perhaps with work, with your family, or the local community. You don’t have to stay till the bitter end, an hour here or there will really help you feel more involved with others.
Hand in hand with the tip above is for you to take an emotional risk. Be proactive. If you’re not receiving invites to parties, invite yourself to one, or just reach out to a few people and arrange a get together. Alternatively, get yourself into conversations that may elicit invitations. You ask, “What are you up to this weekend/during the break/over the holiday?” and they will tell you and then enquire about you. When you say, “Oh, I have no plans yet,” if they’re decent people they will ask you to join them.
If you are really struggling emotionally, try and arrange a series of small meetings, outings, coffees or meals with different people. This may help you to keep everything light and easy, plus keeping busy will take your mind off how you feel otherwise. This also sends a message that you do like people and want to see them, and that you are not pushing them away altogether.
You could set yourself the challenge of making sure everyone you know is reached out to. From saying hello to your neighbours and your dustbin men, to taking chocolates to your local librarians, find a hundred small ways to tell people you appreciate them. You’ll see how much of a difference you make to the world which should help to cheer you up and feel surrounded by good people.
Again, you don’t have to spend hours with a distant Aunt or Uncle, but catch up with them. Timetable things to do after your visit and let them know you can only stay till a certain time, then make the most of it. They may well be lonely too and will value the company.
If you really can’t bear the thought of being alone at Christmas, but don’t know where to turn, why not consider volunteering? There are many charitable organisations that need help at this time of year, such as homeless shelters and residential and care homes. You might end up serving meals, or sitting around singing songs, or watching old films. This is guaranteed to bring happiness to others and yourself. You’ll probably see how many other lonely people there are out there.
Your loneliness is caused by your preoccupation with something you are missing. It’s easy to say, but if you can switch your thoughts around to focus on what you do have, it may well be easier to dissipate your loneliness. If you have a warm house with material possessions and decent food, count those blessings. What about your life do you love? Friends, family, music, pets, your work, your hobbies? Consider them and take heart that you have them.
The holidays are a very good time to be kind to yourself. Buy that book you’ve wanted to read and make time to read it. Treat yourself to a massage in a spa, or have your own spa evening at home. Get a haircut. Make yourself a nice meal. Do things that show YOU that you love and value yourself.
What’s great about being alone? Peace and quiet? Doing what you want? Eating when you want? Decorating your house in the way you like? Consider this and make the most of your solitude. Embrace it. If you can learn to enjoy your own company you will feel happy when you’re alone, not lonely. If you have to spend a whole day alone, do what you want to do with it. Go out for a long walk, or sit on your sofa and watch endless episodes of your favourite box set. It’s your day. Enjoy it!
If you can help others who are lonely, wouldn’t that be a wonderful thing? You could join forums online to discuss the cause of your loneliness with others, be this bereavement or social anxiety for example. You could host a virtual Christmas online, or even a real gathering at your own home, for people in a similar position.
Whatever way you approach your loneliness over the holidays this year, remember that you are not alone, and don’t feel bad for feeling the way you do. Overcoming loneliness takes time, and you may need the help of a support group or a professional. Challenge yourself to rise to the occasion this year and see how far that gets you. Good luck!
Created by Tom Vermeersch (bio)
Tom Vermeersch is a certified Psychologist and Bach flower expert with more than 30 years of experience.
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Summer is a distant memory and winter has been heralded in. On the downside daylight hours are shorter and dark nights are longer, but on the upside there are the holidays to look forward to, when most of us seem to lose ourselves in a frenzy of shopping, feasting and partying. Unfortunately, some people dread this time of the year and the holidays, because for them – and you may be one of them – it is not the most wonderful time of the year at all. It is one of the loneliest.
If the thought of the festivities is making you feel down and disheartened, you are not alone. Hundreds of thousands of people feel the same way. Many will feel lonely because they have lost someone important to them – perhaps through bereavement, separation or divorce - or because their loved ones are far away. Or it may be that you are socially very introverted and find it difficult to make friends or mix with others.
People who are lonely will take no pleasure in watching others sparkle and shine. They will see how others are engaging and connecting with their friends and loved ones and this may well make them feel sad and isolated. If you are lonely, the chances are that you are missing the intimacy of close relationships. You will feel rejection keenly, and your perceived failure to make friends or enjoy yourself may make you feel very negative. It becomes a vicious circle - a fear of failing to connect with others, which means you won’t try, which makes you feel lonelier. You have to try to break the circle.
You can’t get back what you have lost, but you can make some efforts and improve your life a little so that you can get through these few weeks until life returns to normal. Whatever the cause of your loneliness during the holiday season, here are some tips to help you see the festivities through.
If you hold yourself back thanks to your introversion or social anxiety, set yourself some small goals that will take you a little way out of your comfort zone. Buy a cheerful festive jumper and attend one or two gatherings, perhaps with work, with your family, or the local community. You don’t have to stay till the bitter end, an hour here or there will really help you feel more involved with others.
Hand in hand with the tip above is for you to take an emotional risk. Be proactive. If you’re not receiving invites to parties, invite yourself to one, or just reach out to a few people and arrange a get together. Alternatively, get yourself into conversations that may elicit invitations. You ask, “What are you up to this weekend/during the break/over the holiday?” and they will tell you and then enquire about you. When you say, “Oh, I have no plans yet,” if they’re decent people they will ask you to join them.
If you are really struggling emotionally, try and arrange a series of small meetings, outings, coffees or meals with different people. This may help you to keep everything light and easy, plus keeping busy will take your mind off how you feel otherwise. This also sends a message that you do like people and want to see them, and that you are not pushing them away altogether.
You could set yourself the challenge of making sure everyone you know is reached out to. From saying hello to your neighbours and your dustbin men, to taking chocolates to your local librarians, find a hundred small ways to tell people you appreciate them. You’ll see how much of a difference you make to the world which should help to cheer you up and feel surrounded by good people.
Again, you don’t have to spend hours with a distant Aunt or Uncle, but catch up with them. Timetable things to do after your visit and let them know you can only stay till a certain time, then make the most of it. They may well be lonely too and will value the company.
If you really can’t bear the thought of being alone at Christmas, but don’t know where to turn, why not consider volunteering? There are many charitable organisations that need help at this time of year, such as homeless shelters and residential and care homes. You might end up serving meals, or sitting around singing songs, or watching old films. This is guaranteed to bring happiness to others and yourself. You’ll probably see how many other lonely people there are out there.
Your loneliness is caused by your preoccupation with something you are missing. It’s easy to say, but if you can switch your thoughts around to focus on what you do have, it may well be easier to dissipate your loneliness. If you have a warm house with material possessions and decent food, count those blessings. What about your life do you love? Friends, family, music, pets, your work, your hobbies? Consider them and take heart that you have them.
The holidays are a very good time to be kind to yourself. Buy that book you’ve wanted to read and make time to read it. Treat yourself to a massage in a spa, or have your own spa evening at home. Get a haircut. Make yourself a nice meal. Do things that show YOU that you love and value yourself.
What’s great about being alone? Peace and quiet? Doing what you want? Eating when you want? Decorating your house in the way you like? Consider this and make the most of your solitude. Embrace it. If you can learn to enjoy your own company you will feel happy when you’re alone, not lonely. If you have to spend a whole day alone, do what you want to do with it. Go out for a long walk, or sit on your sofa and watch endless episodes of your favourite box set. It’s your day. Enjoy it!
If you can help others who are lonely, wouldn’t that be a wonderful thing? You could join forums online to discuss the cause of your loneliness with others, be this bereavement or social anxiety for example. You could host a virtual Christmas online, or even a real gathering at your own home, for people in a similar position.
Whatever way you approach your loneliness over the holidays this year, remember that you are not alone, and don’t feel bad for feeling the way you do. Overcoming loneliness takes time, and you may need the help of a support group or a professional. Challenge yourself to rise to the occasion this year and see how far that gets you. Good luck!
Why do you feel butterflies at the start of a new romance, and how can you keep the flame burning in a long term relationship as the spark starts to fade?
Read the complete article
We all want to be successful but many of us find the path to achieving our dreams is blocked by our fear of failure. Whether you’re trying to lose weight, go backpacking around the world or start up a new business, you need to accept that you might fail many times over before you achieve success.
Irrational anxieties can seem overwhelming, affecting every aspect of your life. Learn how to beat your fears and worries and take back control.
Most people are disappointed when others don't meet their expectations. But when you always expect too much, it isn't healthy, either for yourself or for others. If you often find yourself feeling let down by your loved ones or even by strangers, could it be that you have unrealistic ideas of how people should act?
Read the complete article
Your relationship ends, or you lose your job, and you get stuck in a rut of negative thoughts and suffering. How good are you at letting go of grudges and accepting that some things are beyond your control? Take our quiz to find out!
Read the complete article
Bad habits waste your energy and time. They disrupt your life, risk your health and stop you from achieving your aims. So why do we do them? And what can we do to break our bad habits?
Children's imaginations know no limits and their dreams are a mix of hopes and fantasies, the real and the magical, the impossible and the achievable.
Do you suffer from a disorder known as "musturbation"? This term was first coined in the 1950s by psychotherapist Albert Ellis and described the way a negative inner voice rules our minds and bludgeons us with words such as "must", "should", and "ought".
You see the word "toxic" everywhere these days, but what does it really mean? You've almost certainly come across someone who fits the description. Dealing with difficult personalities can be challenging and emotionally exhausting, to say the least.
Millions of people furloughed for months are now being recalled to work. Others, who have been working from home throughout the lockdown, are returning to the office. And some jobs have simply disappeared: many people are facing redundancy and will soon have to cope with job hunting. Going back to work after an unprecedented length of time at home is quite a challenge.
Bach Flowers are not medicinal but harmless plant extracts which are used to support health.
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