Summer is a distant memory and winter has been heralded in. On the downside daylight hours are shorter and dark nights are longer, but on the upside there are the holidays to look forward to, when most of us seem to lose ourselves in a frenzy of shopping, feasting and partying. Unfortunately, some people dread this time of the year and the holidays, because for them – and you may be one of them – it is not the most wonderful time of the year at all. It is one of the loneliest.
If the thought of the festivities is making you feel down and disheartened, you are not alone. Hundreds of thousands of people feel the same way. Many will feel lonely because they have lost someone important to them – perhaps through bereavement, separation or divorce - or because their loved ones are far away. Or it may be that you are socially very introverted and find it difficult to make friends or mix with others.
People who are lonely will take no pleasure in watching others sparkle and shine. They will see how others are engaging and connecting with their friends and loved ones and this may well make them feel sad and isolated. If you are lonely, the chances are that you are missing the intimacy of close relationships. You will feel rejection keenly, and your perceived failure to make friends or enjoy yourself may make you feel very negative. It becomes a vicious circle - a fear of failing to connect with others, which means you won’t try, which makes you feel lonelier. You have to try to break the circle.
You can’t get back what you have lost, but you can make some efforts and improve your life a little so that you can get through these few weeks until life returns to normal. Whatever the cause of your loneliness during the holiday season, here are some tips to help you see the festivities through.
If you hold yourself back thanks to your introversion or social anxiety, set yourself some small goals that will take you a little way out of your comfort zone. Buy a cheerful festive jumper and attend one or two gatherings, perhaps with work, with your family, or the local community. You don’t have to stay till the bitter end, an hour here or there will really help you feel more involved with others.
Hand in hand with the tip above is for you to take an emotional risk. Be proactive. If you’re not receiving invites to parties, invite yourself to one, or just reach out to a few people and arrange a get together. Alternatively, get yourself into conversations that may elicit invitations. You ask, “What are you up to this weekend/during the break/over the holiday?” and they will tell you and then enquire about you. When you say, “Oh, I have no plans yet,” if they’re decent people they will ask you to join them.
If you are really struggling emotionally, try and arrange a series of small meetings, outings, coffees or meals with different people. This may help you to keep everything light and easy, plus keeping busy will take your mind off how you feel otherwise. This also sends a message that you do like people and want to see them, and that you are not pushing them away altogether.
You could set yourself the challenge of making sure everyone you know is reached out to. From saying hello to your neighbours and your dustbin men, to taking chocolates to your local librarians, find a hundred small ways to tell people you appreciate them. You’ll see how much of a difference you make to the world which should help to cheer you up and feel surrounded by good people.
Again, you don’t have to spend hours with a distant Aunt or Uncle, but catch up with them. Timetable things to do after your visit and let them know you can only stay till a certain time, then make the most of it. They may well be lonely too and will value the company.
If you really can’t bear the thought of being alone at Christmas, but don’t know where to turn, why not consider volunteering? There are many charitable organisations that need help at this time of year, such as homeless shelters and residential and care homes. You might end up serving meals, or sitting around singing songs, or watching old films. This is guaranteed to bring happiness to others and yourself. You’ll probably see how many other lonely people there are out there.
Your loneliness is caused by your preoccupation with something you are missing. It’s easy to say, but if you can switch your thoughts around to focus on what you do have, it may well be easier to dissipate your loneliness. If you have a warm house with material possessions and decent food, count those blessings. What about your life do you love? Friends, family, music, pets, your work, your hobbies? Consider them and take heart that you have them.
The holidays are a very good time to be kind to yourself. Buy that book you’ve wanted to read and make time to read it. Treat yourself to a massage in a spa, or have your own spa evening at home. Get a haircut. Make yourself a nice meal. Do things that show YOU that you love and value yourself.
What’s great about being alone? Peace and quiet? Doing what you want? Eating when you want? Decorating your house in the way you like? Consider this and make the most of your solitude. Embrace it. If you can learn to enjoy your own company you will feel happy when you’re alone, not lonely. If you have to spend a whole day alone, do what you want to do with it. Go out for a long walk, or sit on your sofa and watch endless episodes of your favourite box set. It’s your day. Enjoy it!
If you can help others who are lonely, wouldn’t that be a wonderful thing? You could join forums online to discuss the cause of your loneliness with others, be this bereavement or social anxiety for example. You could host a virtual Christmas online, or even a real gathering at your own home, for people in a similar position.
Whatever way you approach your loneliness over the holidays this year, remember that you are not alone, and don’t feel bad for feeling the way you do. Overcoming loneliness takes time, and you may need the help of a support group or a professional. Challenge yourself to rise to the occasion this year and see how far that gets you. Good luck!
Created by Tom Vermeersch (bio)
Tom Vermeersch is a certified Psychologist and Bach flower expert with more than 30 years of experience.
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Summer is a distant memory and winter has been heralded in. On the downside daylight hours are shorter and dark nights are longer, but on the upside there are the holidays to look forward to, when most of us seem to lose ourselves in a frenzy of shopping, feasting and partying. Unfortunately, some people dread this time of the year and the holidays, because for them – and you may be one of them – it is not the most wonderful time of the year at all. It is one of the loneliest.
If the thought of the festivities is making you feel down and disheartened, you are not alone. Hundreds of thousands of people feel the same way. Many will feel lonely because they have lost someone important to them – perhaps through bereavement, separation or divorce - or because their loved ones are far away. Or it may be that you are socially very introverted and find it difficult to make friends or mix with others.
People who are lonely will take no pleasure in watching others sparkle and shine. They will see how others are engaging and connecting with their friends and loved ones and this may well make them feel sad and isolated. If you are lonely, the chances are that you are missing the intimacy of close relationships. You will feel rejection keenly, and your perceived failure to make friends or enjoy yourself may make you feel very negative. It becomes a vicious circle - a fear of failing to connect with others, which means you won’t try, which makes you feel lonelier. You have to try to break the circle.
You can’t get back what you have lost, but you can make some efforts and improve your life a little so that you can get through these few weeks until life returns to normal. Whatever the cause of your loneliness during the holiday season, here are some tips to help you see the festivities through.
If you hold yourself back thanks to your introversion or social anxiety, set yourself some small goals that will take you a little way out of your comfort zone. Buy a cheerful festive jumper and attend one or two gatherings, perhaps with work, with your family, or the local community. You don’t have to stay till the bitter end, an hour here or there will really help you feel more involved with others.
Hand in hand with the tip above is for you to take an emotional risk. Be proactive. If you’re not receiving invites to parties, invite yourself to one, or just reach out to a few people and arrange a get together. Alternatively, get yourself into conversations that may elicit invitations. You ask, “What are you up to this weekend/during the break/over the holiday?” and they will tell you and then enquire about you. When you say, “Oh, I have no plans yet,” if they’re decent people they will ask you to join them.
If you are really struggling emotionally, try and arrange a series of small meetings, outings, coffees or meals with different people. This may help you to keep everything light and easy, plus keeping busy will take your mind off how you feel otherwise. This also sends a message that you do like people and want to see them, and that you are not pushing them away altogether.
You could set yourself the challenge of making sure everyone you know is reached out to. From saying hello to your neighbours and your dustbin men, to taking chocolates to your local librarians, find a hundred small ways to tell people you appreciate them. You’ll see how much of a difference you make to the world which should help to cheer you up and feel surrounded by good people.
Again, you don’t have to spend hours with a distant Aunt or Uncle, but catch up with them. Timetable things to do after your visit and let them know you can only stay till a certain time, then make the most of it. They may well be lonely too and will value the company.
If you really can’t bear the thought of being alone at Christmas, but don’t know where to turn, why not consider volunteering? There are many charitable organisations that need help at this time of year, such as homeless shelters and residential and care homes. You might end up serving meals, or sitting around singing songs, or watching old films. This is guaranteed to bring happiness to others and yourself. You’ll probably see how many other lonely people there are out there.
Your loneliness is caused by your preoccupation with something you are missing. It’s easy to say, but if you can switch your thoughts around to focus on what you do have, it may well be easier to dissipate your loneliness. If you have a warm house with material possessions and decent food, count those blessings. What about your life do you love? Friends, family, music, pets, your work, your hobbies? Consider them and take heart that you have them.
The holidays are a very good time to be kind to yourself. Buy that book you’ve wanted to read and make time to read it. Treat yourself to a massage in a spa, or have your own spa evening at home. Get a haircut. Make yourself a nice meal. Do things that show YOU that you love and value yourself.
What’s great about being alone? Peace and quiet? Doing what you want? Eating when you want? Decorating your house in the way you like? Consider this and make the most of your solitude. Embrace it. If you can learn to enjoy your own company you will feel happy when you’re alone, not lonely. If you have to spend a whole day alone, do what you want to do with it. Go out for a long walk, or sit on your sofa and watch endless episodes of your favourite box set. It’s your day. Enjoy it!
If you can help others who are lonely, wouldn’t that be a wonderful thing? You could join forums online to discuss the cause of your loneliness with others, be this bereavement or social anxiety for example. You could host a virtual Christmas online, or even a real gathering at your own home, for people in a similar position.
Whatever way you approach your loneliness over the holidays this year, remember that you are not alone, and don’t feel bad for feeling the way you do. Overcoming loneliness takes time, and you may need the help of a support group or a professional. Challenge yourself to rise to the occasion this year and see how far that gets you. Good luck!
Some people are overly sensitive to the time change and it can take days, if not weeks, for them to feel right again, while others barely even notice.
Read the complete article
For many people, 2020 has been one of the worst years they can remember. The COVID -19 pandemic and social unrest have changed our lives in ways we would not have believed possible a year ago. And when January 2021 comes around, we're still likely to be facing many challenges. Can 2021 be a better year?
Read the complete article
Children's imaginations know no limits and their dreams are a mix of hopes and fantasies, the real and the magical, the impossible and the achievable.
After 25 years in the Bach flower world, we asked ourselves, is now the right time for our own new name? Not only have we grown, but so have you, along with the confidence you have in us. That's why we want to connect ourselves to our own name. That name is Mariepure.
We simply can’t avoid noticing the changes all around us. Autumn is here... Autumn is also called a transitional season. Slowly and steadily, it prepares us for the transition...
Read the complete article
Mental health issues such as depression and anxiety affect around 1 in 6 people at some stage of their life. Despite it being such a common problem, many sufferers wait months or even years before seeking help.
According to figures from the World Health Organisation, more than 260 million people worldwide suffer from depression. And it's not only adults who are diagnosed with this illness. Children as young as three or four years old can experience depression.
Have you ever noticed that some people are instantly likeable? Many people believe that people will only like you because of natural traits you're born with: good looks, talent and sociability. But this is a misconception. Getting people to like you is within your control, and it's all to do with self-belief, knowing yourself and being emotionally intelligent. Here's what to do to be more likeable.
It's not always easy to tell if someone has depression. While some signs such as sadness, pessimism and withdrawal from social interaction are easy to recognise, other symptoms may be less obvious. And some people are very good at hiding their depression - even from themselves!
Irrational anxieties can seem overwhelming, affecting every aspect of your life. Learn how to beat your fears and worries and take back control.
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