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Sometimes it's evident that you should cut an abusive partner or a toxic friend from your life. But what if it's a family member who's toxic? How easy is it to cut ties with them - or should you not ever?
It's never an easy decision to cut someone out of your life. But sometimes, it's essential for your mental health to heal the pain caused by an abusive or "toxic" relative.
You do this not to be spiteful or as an act of revenge but rather to look after yourself and protect your mental and physical health. So if you have repeatedly been hurt by this individual, even though you've tried to repair your relationship, maybe it's time to accept that you will be happier if you move forward without them in your life.
Bach Flowers Mix 44 can help support you through this challenging process by improving self-confidence, believing in yourself and feeling calmer and more peaceful.
There's no simple answer to this question. Toxic people can disrupt your happiness with a variety of behaviours, such as
Behaviours such as these can create so much pain, anxiety and stress that they significantly impact your health, well-being and ability to work. Spending time with these hurtful people constantly drains you and makes you feel worse.
And because they can't or won't acknowledge how their behaviour is hurtful, they rarely change - instead, they turn things around, blame you and expect you to meet their demands.
We don't put up with abusive behaviour from strangers. So why do we often give our relatives a free pass when it comes to hurting and undermining us?
We just don't see it. We find it hard to see their behaviour as emotionally abusive: while it's hurtful, we minimise it and don't call them out on it.
In our society, family life is packed with expectations: we're supposed to get along, keep the peace, respect and help our ageing parents, and put the needs of others before our own. Breaking any of these social norms will likely make you feel guilty.
These rules and expectations make sense only if you have healthy family relationships. If you have abusive relatives, they are unrealistic, unfair and harmful. So it's not selfish, mean or wrong to look after your well-being by distancing yourself from those who distress you.
You probably learned as a child that loyalty and commitment to your family is a virtue. Healthy closeness and loyalty imply reciprocal care and respect and allow for differences in opinions, values and feelings. However, loyalty may be weaponised to control you if you try to assert your independence and challenge abusive behaviours.
Cutting someone out of your life is a massive change, and you can't tell how it will play out. So it's understandable that fear of the unknown keeps many of us in unhappy relationships. But you can face down your fear and overcome any challenges that arise. Be kind to yourself and reach out to your support network.
This is perhaps the biggest hurdle to overcome. Despite all the problems and pain they cause, you love your family. You share memories, good and bad, and you want to be able to help them in the future. But love on its own won't make a relationship work. So while cutting ties may feel unloving, it doesn't mean you've stopped loving your family. We can still love people even if we have to keep our distance.
When you cut contact with a family member, be aware that you stand to lose more than the person you are cutting ties with. There are always going to be unforeseen casualties. Other family members can find the situation difficult to process and may not back you up.
But you can't begin healing until you leave an abusive relationship.
How to cut ties with abusive relatives
If you're not ready to cut ties, it's OK. You shouldn't feel pressured into making a decision. Cutting ties is a last resort for most people, and it often takes years to come to this conclusion. And there's no right or wrong way to do it - you are the only person who can decide how much or how little contact you want.
There comes a time when you've had enough. You can't grow and enjoy a positive life if you are constantly being undermined by a toxic person.
So know that it's OK to cut family out of your life, however difficult this may seem. You deserve to be treated with respect and love and find true happiness.
Sources:
https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/women-autism-spectrum-disorder/202008/5-signs-its-time-cut-yourself-your-toxic-family
https://www.wikihow.com/Cut-Ties-with-Family-Members-Who-Hurt-You
Created by Tom Vermeersch (bio)
Tom Vermeersch is a certified Psychologist and Bach flower expert with more than 30 years of experience.
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Sometimes it's evident that you should cut an abusive partner or a toxic friend from your life. But what if it's a family member who's toxic? How easy is it to cut ties with them - or should you not ever?
It's never an easy decision to cut someone out of your life. But sometimes, it's essential for your mental health to heal the pain caused by an abusive or "toxic" relative.
You do this not to be spiteful or as an act of revenge but rather to look after yourself and protect your mental and physical health. So if you have repeatedly been hurt by this individual, even though you've tried to repair your relationship, maybe it's time to accept that you will be happier if you move forward without them in your life.
Bach Flowers Mix 44 can help support you through this challenging process by improving self-confidence, believing in yourself and feeling calmer and more peaceful.
There's no simple answer to this question. Toxic people can disrupt your happiness with a variety of behaviours, such as
Behaviours such as these can create so much pain, anxiety and stress that they significantly impact your health, well-being and ability to work. Spending time with these hurtful people constantly drains you and makes you feel worse.
And because they can't or won't acknowledge how their behaviour is hurtful, they rarely change - instead, they turn things around, blame you and expect you to meet their demands.
We don't put up with abusive behaviour from strangers. So why do we often give our relatives a free pass when it comes to hurting and undermining us?
We just don't see it. We find it hard to see their behaviour as emotionally abusive: while it's hurtful, we minimise it and don't call them out on it.
In our society, family life is packed with expectations: we're supposed to get along, keep the peace, respect and help our ageing parents, and put the needs of others before our own. Breaking any of these social norms will likely make you feel guilty.
These rules and expectations make sense only if you have healthy family relationships. If you have abusive relatives, they are unrealistic, unfair and harmful. So it's not selfish, mean or wrong to look after your well-being by distancing yourself from those who distress you.
You probably learned as a child that loyalty and commitment to your family is a virtue. Healthy closeness and loyalty imply reciprocal care and respect and allow for differences in opinions, values and feelings. However, loyalty may be weaponised to control you if you try to assert your independence and challenge abusive behaviours.
Cutting someone out of your life is a massive change, and you can't tell how it will play out. So it's understandable that fear of the unknown keeps many of us in unhappy relationships. But you can face down your fear and overcome any challenges that arise. Be kind to yourself and reach out to your support network.
This is perhaps the biggest hurdle to overcome. Despite all the problems and pain they cause, you love your family. You share memories, good and bad, and you want to be able to help them in the future. But love on its own won't make a relationship work. So while cutting ties may feel unloving, it doesn't mean you've stopped loving your family. We can still love people even if we have to keep our distance.
When you cut contact with a family member, be aware that you stand to lose more than the person you are cutting ties with. There are always going to be unforeseen casualties. Other family members can find the situation difficult to process and may not back you up.
But you can't begin healing until you leave an abusive relationship.
How to cut ties with abusive relatives
If you're not ready to cut ties, it's OK. You shouldn't feel pressured into making a decision. Cutting ties is a last resort for most people, and it often takes years to come to this conclusion. And there's no right or wrong way to do it - you are the only person who can decide how much or how little contact you want.
There comes a time when you've had enough. You can't grow and enjoy a positive life if you are constantly being undermined by a toxic person.
So know that it's OK to cut family out of your life, however difficult this may seem. You deserve to be treated with respect and love and find true happiness.
Sources:
https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/women-autism-spectrum-disorder/202008/5-signs-its-time-cut-yourself-your-toxic-family
https://www.wikihow.com/Cut-Ties-with-Family-Members-Who-Hurt-You
When you think about things that will make you happy, what are the images that come to mind? Wealth, beauty, a dream house, long holidays, a top of the range car? Happiness is not a constant and how happy we feel depends on the way we choose to live our lives.
What can you do if your kid doesn't want to go back to school? Here are our hints and tips to help if your child is expressing a refusal to go to school.
Irrational anxieties can seem overwhelming, affecting every aspect of your life. Learn how to beat your fears and worries and take back control.
For many people, 2020 has been one of the worst years they can remember. The COVID -19 pandemic and social unrest have changed our lives in ways we would not have believed possible a year ago. And when January 2021 comes around, we're still likely to be facing many challenges. Can 2021 be a better year?
Read the complete article
Do you feel you’re always criticising and judging everyone, yourself included? Do you feel bad about it afterwards? You’re certainly not alone! Read on to discover how you can judge less and start to accept things the way they are.
Millions of people furloughed for months are now being recalled to work. Others, who have been working from home throughout the lockdown, are returning to the office. And some jobs have simply disappeared: many people are facing redundancy and will soon have to cope with job hunting. Going back to work after an unprecedented length of time at home is quite a challenge.
Your relationship ends, or you lose your job, and you get stuck in a rut of negative thoughts and suffering. How good are you at letting go of grudges and accepting that some things are beyond your control? Take our quiz to find out!
Read the complete article
It’s such a positive thing to do and hope springs eternal, so why not commit yourself to a change this year? Here’s our tips on how to stick to your new year’s resolutions.
After 25 years in the Bach flower world, we asked ourselves, is now the right time for our own new name? Not only have we grown, but so have you, along with the confidence you have in us. That's why we want to connect ourselves to our own name. That name is Mariepure.
Going back to school during a pandemic is a new experience for everyone, and it's understandable if children are feeling anxious about it. We take a look at some of the issues and how you can help your child to get ready for returning to the classroom.
Bach Flowers are not medicinal but harmless plant extracts which are used to support health.
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Are you unsure which Bach flowers can help you? Contact Tom for free advice.
