Should you worry? Four questions

Should you worry? Four questions
Should you worry Four questions.

If you’re exhausting yourself with worry and you’re struggling to calm your mind, what can you do about it? For a quick fix, you simply need to ask yourself these four questions:

1. What do you care?
2. How important is it really?
3. Who says you have to do that?
4. What difference does it make what others think?

Let’s take them, briefly, one by one.

What do you care?

You may well be thinking, “Well of course I care!” but do you really? Can you ask yourself what is it that you care about? At the heart of your worrying is there something specific? For example, you may be worried about something your teenager is doing. Concerns about their safety are valid of course, but if it is a piercing or a relationship, are you worrying too much? It may be that your worry stems from the fact that they are growing up and will be setting themselves free in the world. Perhaps the thing you are really worrying about is getting older, or being alone.

Take time to reflect on what it is that you are genuinely fearful of, and then address that specific issue.

How important is it really?

You may get yourself into quite a state about something that isn’t particularly important. The cycle of worry and anxiety feeds itself constantly and before you know it your worrying is out of hand. If you’re feeling panicky because of your worries, stop and take a time-out. How important is what you’re worrying about? Did you spill something on the carpet? Are you worried what your landlord will say? Are your library books late? Is your boss giving you too much to do at work?

Take back control of what it is that is worrying you so much. Have the carpet cleaned. Pay the fine at the library. Say no to your boss, or even better, do what you can in the time that you have and do it well. Let your boss worry about work that cannot be completed in the time they give you. S/he gets paid to worry – you do not.

Who says you have to do things?

The only person putting pressure on you, is you. With practice you can stop caring about other people and set the agenda for your own life. It is not simple to do, it takes work, and you have to be strong and assertive - but only you are in charge of your destiny, and only you can make the changes necessary to prevent the pressure.

It’s your life, you make the decisions!

What difference does it make what others think?

If you worry too much because you’re scared of what other people think of you, it’s time for a reality check. We all judge each other to a greater or lesser extent, and quite frankly it is an unkind thing to do. The antidote to this is to simply not care what other people think. Their opinions should not be valid in your life, especially if you are doing the best job you can of being a human being.

Think of it this way, in the last few weeks of your life, what will matter to you most? Will it be that you had a great time and saw some amazing places? Or will it be that you had your nails done every other week so that someone didn’t judge you? Will it be that you had wonderful experiences with fabulous friends and spent time laughing, singing and dancing? Or that you sided with a bully because you were too scared to stand up to them at the expense of someone else? Will it be the time you spent with your family, or the time you spent in the office or in the traffic?

It is your life. Make your choices on the basis of what makes you happy and proud of yourself. Change what you can change and don’t worry about what you can’t. Life goes on, and one day, you won’t go with it, so live in the here-and-now, and don’t worry about the future.

Share
Marie Pure

Other articles


Mistakes as a Parent

Mistakes as a Parent

Can we learn from our mistakes and develop a stronger, healthier emotional bondwith our kids? To help you identify your weak spots, we’ve rounded up some of the most common mistakes parents make.

Read the complete article

12 easy ways to get people to like you

12 easy ways to get people to like you

Have you ever noticed that some people are instantly likeable? Many people believe that people will only like you because of natural traits you're born with: good looks, talent and sociability. But this is a misconception. Getting people to like you is within your control, and it's all to do with self-belief, knowing yourself and being emotionally intelligent. Here's what to do to be more likeable.

Read the complete article

Signs you're slipping into a burn-out

Signs you're slipping into a burn-out

Learn how to recognise the signs of stress and avoid slipping into a burnout or a bore-out

Read the complete article

12 signs that you're not happy anymore

12 signs that you're not happy anymore

Feeling lost or down? Here are 11 signs that you're not happy anymore and need to reconsider what’s going on in your life.

Read the complete article

Let's make 2021 better than 2020

Let's make 2021 better than 2020

For many people, 2020 has been one of the worst years they can remember. The COVID -19 pandemic and social unrest have changed our lives in ways we would not have believed possible a year ago. And when January 2021 comes around, we're still likely to be facing many challenges. Can 2021 be a better year?

Read the complete article

Start of spring, a new start, a fresh start

Start of spring, a new start, a fresh start

Do you find that every Spring you feel that it is time to make a new start, to make a new you? This ‘spring-cleaning’ we all yearn for is deeply ingrained within all of us.

Read the complete article

What to do when the spark is fading

What to do when the spark is fading

Why do you feel butterflies at the start of a new romance, and how can you keep the flame burning in a long term relationship as the spark starts to fade?

Read the complete article

Do you expect too much from others Find out!

Do you expect too much from others? Find out!

Most people are disappointed when others don't meet their expectations. But when you always expect too much, it isn't healthy, either for yourself or for others. If you often find yourself feeling let down by your loved ones or even by strangers, could it be that you have unrealistic ideas of how people should act?

Read the complete article

Looking for happiness Just stop!

Looking for happiness? Just stop!

Many people focus on finding happiness. But just as those who try too hard to be cool are never cool, if you're always striving to be happy, you will never achieve happiness. What's the problem? Perhaps you're just trying too hard!

Read the complete article

detox

How to detox your life this Autumn

Stuck in a rut? Feeling overwhelmed or weary with life? Are you in need a life detox? Read our tips on how to detox your life this Autumn.

Read the complete article

Free personal advice for your problem?

Are you unsure which Bach flowers can help you? Contact Tom for free advice.

tom vermeersch
Tom Vermeersch

Yes, I want free advice

No thanks, I will do my own research