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Find out if you’re (secretly) a perfectionist

Find out if you’re (secretly) a perfectionist

Can setting high standards for yourself ever be a problem? For most people, striving for perfection would be considered a positive thing. For example, musicians only reach concert standard after thousands of hours of practice and athletes can't reach peak performance without long hours of training.

But there's also a negative aspect of perfectionism. Perfectionists tend to set standards that are so demanding that they are impossible to meet or can only be achieved with difficulty. While most people understand that mistakes are inevitable and that everybody messes up at times, a perfectionist believes that making a mistake means they have failed catastrophically, or that they have disappointed others and are therefore a hateful person.

This pattern of thinking makes it very frightening for a perfectionist to make a mistake. They strive to be perfect all the time and are often disappointed with themselves for not achieving the standards they have set. They may gradually come to believe they are less capable than other people. Trying so hard to be perfect and meeting impossible standards causes stress, anxiety and self-doubt.


Are you perfectionist? Take our quiz!

If you're feeling overwhelmed with stress and anxiety, it might because that you're asking too much of yourself. There's nothing wrong with high standards. But if they're so high that they stop you enjoying life and get in the way of your school, work or relationships, you may have a problem with perfectionism. Find out whether you're secretly a perfectionist by taking our quiz:

Take a look at the following statements and check which response you think sounds most like you:

1. The more I succeed in life, the more pressure I put on myself to be even more successful

a) I'm just thankful for any successes that I achieve

b) That's true, and I feel that others will be expecting more from me as well

2. I compare myself to others I believe are more intelligent, more attractive or more talented than me

a) We can't all be good at everything, and I know I have qualities that they don't

b) Absolutely true - I constantly check my Insta for the latest posts and they knock my self-confidence

3. I always demand the absolute best from myself

a) Mostly disagree

b) Mostly agree

4. I'm not very ambitious

a) Sounds like me - I'm pretty content with my life the way it is

b) I've always been ambitious, and achieving the highest goals is very important to me

5. When someone seems to give up too easily, I don't often criticise them

a) Who know what else they have going on in their life? It's none of my business why they've given up.

b) I'm not too fond of dropouts

6. I always expect to succeed at school or work

a) No, I know I won't always be successful, and it's OK as long as I've done my best

b) Of course, that's the whole point!

7. It doesn't bother me if others shine

a) Their achievements are nothing to do with me

b) I feel compelled to try and keep up with them

8. I strive to be as perfect as I can be.

a) Not really, I get by OK

b) Nearly always

9. I should be good at anything I try, not just the stuff I know I can do well.

a) Mostly disagree

b) Mostly agree

10. People expect me to be perfect and never make mistakes

a) Not really, I don't feel any pressure

b) It certainly feels like it!

 

If you ticked mostly a's, you have a balanced attitude towards life. You're the sort of person who counts their blessings, allows themselves to make mistakes and is content with the way things are.

If you ticked mostly b's, you're showing many of the traits of a perfectionist. Read on to discover how you can overcome perfectionism so that it doesn't hold you back.

Overcoming perfectionism

The first step is to change the perfectionist way of thinking. Bach Flower Essence 10, Crab Apple, can help guard against perfectionism and obsessive thoughts.

Other useful techniques include:

1. Replace self-criticism with more helpful and realistic thoughts

People who are perfectionists are often too self-critical. Perfectionist thoughts make you see mistakes as catastrophic. Replace these ideas with realistic concepts such as "Nobody's perfect" and "Everybody has bad days sometimes". Repeat these thoughts often. You might not find them believable at first, but if you repeat them often enough, they will eventually crowd out negative self-criticism.

2. Take a different perspective

Many perfectionists find it challenging to see things from another point of view. They don't consider how others might see a scenario.

As an example, you might you're slacking if you only cycle for 20k at the weekend when you'd aimed to do 30k. Other people might think 20k is a very acceptable amount of exercise. It can be beneficial to learn to see situations as others may view them.

3. Changing perfectionist behaviour

When you have difficulties with perfectionism, it's as if you have a phobia of making mistakes. Try to overcome your "phobia" by facing your fear of being imperfect by deliberately making mistakes. Start with something small such as wearing odd socks! If people notice at all, it will likely be with a good-humoured comment. Next, spend 3 hours instead of six preparing your presentation. Gradually, you'll be able to cope with situations you would previously have avoided because of worries that things wouldn't be perfect.

4. Treat yourself

It's very challenging to face your anxieties and try new ways of thinking! Look after yourself and enjoy a reward for all your hard work. A treat such as a movie or nice meal, or just meeting up with friends, will help you to feel good about yourself and persevere with the changes you're making.

A final word

If you recognise that you're secretly a perfectionist, don't worry! Let go of some of your high standards. Accept that you're perfectly imperfect and your life will be much more fun!


Sources:

https://www.verywellmind.com/signs-you-may-be-a-perfectionist-3145233

https://www.anxietycanada.com/articles/how-to-overcome-perfectionism/

Created by Tom Vermeersch ()

Tom Vermeersch

Tom Vermeersch is a certified Psychologist and Bach flower expert with more than 30 years of experience.

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Find out if you’re (secretly) a perfectionist

Find out if you’re (secretly) a perfectionist
Find out if you’re (secretly) a perfectionist

Can setting high standards for yourself ever be a problem? For most people, striving for perfection would be considered a positive thing. For example, musicians only reach concert standard after thousands of hours of practice and athletes can't reach peak performance without long hours of training.

But there's also a negative aspect of perfectionism. Perfectionists tend to set standards that are so demanding that they are impossible to meet or can only be achieved with difficulty. While most people understand that mistakes are inevitable and that everybody messes up at times, a perfectionist believes that making a mistake means they have failed catastrophically, or that they have disappointed others and are therefore a hateful person.

This pattern of thinking makes it very frightening for a perfectionist to make a mistake. They strive to be perfect all the time and are often disappointed with themselves for not achieving the standards they have set. They may gradually come to believe they are less capable than other people. Trying so hard to be perfect and meeting impossible standards causes stress, anxiety and self-doubt.

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Discover how Personal Bach flowers remedy - Wizard can help you

Are you perfectionist? Take our quiz!

If you're feeling overwhelmed with stress and anxiety, it might because that you're asking too much of yourself. There's nothing wrong with high standards. But if they're so high that they stop you enjoying life and get in the way of your school, work or relationships, you may have a problem with perfectionism. Find out whether you're secretly a perfectionist by taking our quiz:

Take a look at the following statements and check which response you think sounds most like you:

1. The more I succeed in life, the more pressure I put on myself to be even more successful

a) I'm just thankful for any successes that I achieve

b) That's true, and I feel that others will be expecting more from me as well

2. I compare myself to others I believe are more intelligent, more attractive or more talented than me

a) We can't all be good at everything, and I know I have qualities that they don't

b) Absolutely true - I constantly check my Insta for the latest posts and they knock my self-confidence

3. I always demand the absolute best from myself

a) Mostly disagree

b) Mostly agree

4. I'm not very ambitious

a) Sounds like me - I'm pretty content with my life the way it is

b) I've always been ambitious, and achieving the highest goals is very important to me

5. When someone seems to give up too easily, I don't often criticise them

a) Who know what else they have going on in their life? It's none of my business why they've given up.

b) I'm not too fond of dropouts

6. I always expect to succeed at school or work

a) No, I know I won't always be successful, and it's OK as long as I've done my best

b) Of course, that's the whole point!

7. It doesn't bother me if others shine

a) Their achievements are nothing to do with me

b) I feel compelled to try and keep up with them

8. I strive to be as perfect as I can be.

a) Not really, I get by OK

b) Nearly always

9. I should be good at anything I try, not just the stuff I know I can do well.

a) Mostly disagree

b) Mostly agree

10. People expect me to be perfect and never make mistakes

a) Not really, I don't feel any pressure

b) It certainly feels like it!

 

If you ticked mostly a's, you have a balanced attitude towards life. You're the sort of person who counts their blessings, allows themselves to make mistakes and is content with the way things are.

If you ticked mostly b's, you're showing many of the traits of a perfectionist. Read on to discover how you can overcome perfectionism so that it doesn't hold you back.

Overcoming perfectionism

The first step is to change the perfectionist way of thinking. Bach Flower Essence 10, Crab Apple, can help guard against perfectionism and obsessive thoughts.

Other useful techniques include:

1. Replace self-criticism with more helpful and realistic thoughts

People who are perfectionists are often too self-critical. Perfectionist thoughts make you see mistakes as catastrophic. Replace these ideas with realistic concepts such as "Nobody's perfect" and "Everybody has bad days sometimes". Repeat these thoughts often. You might not find them believable at first, but if you repeat them often enough, they will eventually crowd out negative self-criticism.

2. Take a different perspective

Many perfectionists find it challenging to see things from another point of view. They don't consider how others might see a scenario.

As an example, you might you're slacking if you only cycle for 20k at the weekend when you'd aimed to do 30k. Other people might think 20k is a very acceptable amount of exercise. It can be beneficial to learn to see situations as others may view them.

3. Changing perfectionist behaviour

When you have difficulties with perfectionism, it's as if you have a phobia of making mistakes. Try to overcome your "phobia" by facing your fear of being imperfect by deliberately making mistakes. Start with something small such as wearing odd socks! If people notice at all, it will likely be with a good-humoured comment. Next, spend 3 hours instead of six preparing your presentation. Gradually, you'll be able to cope with situations you would previously have avoided because of worries that things wouldn't be perfect.

4. Treat yourself

It's very challenging to face your anxieties and try new ways of thinking! Look after yourself and enjoy a reward for all your hard work. A treat such as a movie or nice meal, or just meeting up with friends, will help you to feel good about yourself and persevere with the changes you're making.

A final word

If you recognise that you're secretly a perfectionist, don't worry! Let go of some of your high standards. Accept that you're perfectly imperfect and your life will be much more fun!


Sources:

https://www.verywellmind.com/signs-you-may-be-a-perfectionist-3145233

https://www.anxietycanada.com/articles/how-to-overcome-perfectionism/


Marie Pure

Other articles


How to spice up your life

How to spice up your life

Do you feel you're always doing the same things and not getting anywhere? It's common to feel stuck in a rut, treading water and just going through the motions.

Read the complete article

Almost at the end of your tether What to do

Almost at the end of your tether? What to do

Dawn’s breaking and you’ve barely slept all night. Instead of waking up ready to face the day, you feel as if you’ll never catch up with all the urgent stuff that needs doing. Stressful thoughts circle in your head, and you feel exhausted and burned out. Sounds familiar? You’re not alone!

Read the complete article

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As parents, we often worry about a poor school report as much, if not more, as our kids do! And if your child's grades are slipping, you'll be looking for reasons and if there's anything you can do to help.

Read the complete article

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Six things we think will make us happy, but don't!

When you think about things that will make you happy, what are the images that come to mind? Wealth, beauty, a dream house, long holidays, a top of the range car? Happiness is not a constant and how happy we feel depends on the way we choose to live our lives. 

Read the complete article

Revealed The most important things in life

Revealed: The most important things in life

Do you believe that there are certain things you must achieve to be happy? Society teaches us that wealth, health, romantic love, and family are essential for happiness. But are these externals really the most important things in life?

Read the complete article

"Bach Flower Advice" becomes "Mariepure"

"Bach Flower Advice" becomes "Mariepure"

After 25 years in the Bach flower world, we asked ourselves, is now the right time for our own new name? Not only have we grown, but so have you, along with the confidence you have in us. That's why we want to connect ourselves to our own name. That name is Mariepure.

Read the complete article

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Is your sex life putting your relationship at risk?

Sexual desire is a complex interaction of hormones, emotions and well-being. When your partner is not as interested in sex as you are, it’s rarely a rejection of you as a person. So it’s essential to be as empathetic as you can regarding your differing libidos.

Read the complete article

Why a life without stress and obstacles is unrewarding

Why a life without stress and obstacles is unrewarding

Stress can be both good and bad; it’s up to you how you look at it. But too much stress can be dangerous. Read more about stress in this article!

Read the complete article

Why routine is good for you

Why routine is good for you

Having a daily routine can reduce stress and anxiety - but are routines always good for you? It all depends on your character!

Read the complete article

Even the brightest minds have setbacks!

Even the brightest minds have setbacks!

We all want to be successful but many of us find the path to achieving our dreams is blocked by our fear of failure. Whether you’re trying to lose weight, go backpacking around the world or start up a new business, you need to accept that you might fail many times over before you achieve success.

Read the complete article

Bach Flowers are not medicinal but harmless plant extracts which are used to support health.

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