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Find out if you’re (secretly) a perfectionist

Find out if you’re (secretly) a perfectionist

Can setting high standards for yourself ever be a problem? For most people, striving for perfection would be considered a positive thing. For example, musicians only reach concert standard after thousands of hours of practice and athletes can't reach peak performance without long hours of training.

But there's also a negative aspect of perfectionism. Perfectionists tend to set standards that are so demanding that they are impossible to meet or can only be achieved with difficulty. While most people understand that mistakes are inevitable and that everybody messes up at times, a perfectionist believes that making a mistake means they have failed catastrophically, or that they have disappointed others and are therefore a hateful person.

This pattern of thinking makes it very frightening for a perfectionist to make a mistake. They strive to be perfect all the time and are often disappointed with themselves for not achieving the standards they have set. They may gradually come to believe they are less capable than other people. Trying so hard to be perfect and meeting impossible standards causes stress, anxiety and self-doubt.


Are you perfectionist? Take our quiz!

If you're feeling overwhelmed with stress and anxiety, it might because that you're asking too much of yourself. There's nothing wrong with high standards. But if they're so high that they stop you enjoying life and get in the way of your school, work or relationships, you may have a problem with perfectionism. Find out whether you're secretly a perfectionist by taking our quiz:

Take a look at the following statements and check which response you think sounds most like you:

1. The more I succeed in life, the more pressure I put on myself to be even more successful

a) I'm just thankful for any successes that I achieve

b) That's true, and I feel that others will be expecting more from me as well

2. I compare myself to others I believe are more intelligent, more attractive or more talented than me

a) We can't all be good at everything, and I know I have qualities that they don't

b) Absolutely true - I constantly check my Insta for the latest posts and they knock my self-confidence

3. I always demand the absolute best from myself

a) Mostly disagree

b) Mostly agree

4. I'm not very ambitious

a) Sounds like me - I'm pretty content with my life the way it is

b) I've always been ambitious, and achieving the highest goals is very important to me

5. When someone seems to give up too easily, I don't often criticise them

a) Who know what else they have going on in their life? It's none of my business why they've given up.

b) I'm not too fond of dropouts

6. I always expect to succeed at school or work

a) No, I know I won't always be successful, and it's OK as long as I've done my best

b) Of course, that's the whole point!

7. It doesn't bother me if others shine

a) Their achievements are nothing to do with me

b) I feel compelled to try and keep up with them

8. I strive to be as perfect as I can be.

a) Not really, I get by OK

b) Nearly always

9. I should be good at anything I try, not just the stuff I know I can do well.

a) Mostly disagree

b) Mostly agree

10. People expect me to be perfect and never make mistakes

a) Not really, I don't feel any pressure

b) It certainly feels like it!

 

If you ticked mostly a's, you have a balanced attitude towards life. You're the sort of person who counts their blessings, allows themselves to make mistakes and is content with the way things are.

If you ticked mostly b's, you're showing many of the traits of a perfectionist. Read on to discover how you can overcome perfectionism so that it doesn't hold you back.

Overcoming perfectionism

The first step is to change the perfectionist way of thinking. Bach Flower Essence 10, Crab Apple, can help guard against perfectionism and obsessive thoughts.

Other useful techniques include:

1. Replace self-criticism with more helpful and realistic thoughts

People who are perfectionists are often too self-critical. Perfectionist thoughts make you see mistakes as catastrophic. Replace these ideas with realistic concepts such as "Nobody's perfect" and "Everybody has bad days sometimes". Repeat these thoughts often. You might not find them believable at first, but if you repeat them often enough, they will eventually crowd out negative self-criticism.

2. Take a different perspective

Many perfectionists find it challenging to see things from another point of view. They don't consider how others might see a scenario.

As an example, you might you're slacking if you only cycle for 20k at the weekend when you'd aimed to do 30k. Other people might think 20k is a very acceptable amount of exercise. It can be beneficial to learn to see situations as others may view them.

3. Changing perfectionist behaviour

When you have difficulties with perfectionism, it's as if you have a phobia of making mistakes. Try to overcome your "phobia" by facing your fear of being imperfect by deliberately making mistakes. Start with something small such as wearing odd socks! If people notice at all, it will likely be with a good-humoured comment. Next, spend 3 hours instead of six preparing your presentation. Gradually, you'll be able to cope with situations you would previously have avoided because of worries that things wouldn't be perfect.

4. Treat yourself

It's very challenging to face your anxieties and try new ways of thinking! Look after yourself and enjoy a reward for all your hard work. A treat such as a movie or nice meal, or just meeting up with friends, will help you to feel good about yourself and persevere with the changes you're making.

A final word

If you recognise that you're secretly a perfectionist, don't worry! Let go of some of your high standards. Accept that you're perfectly imperfect and your life will be much more fun!


Sources:

https://www.verywellmind.com/signs-you-may-be-a-perfectionist-3145233

https://www.anxietycanada.com/articles/how-to-overcome-perfectionism/

Created by Tom Vermeersch ()

Tom Vermeersch

Tom Vermeersch is a certified Psychologist and Bach flower expert with more than 30 years of experience.

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Find out if you’re (secretly) a perfectionist

Find out if you’re (secretly) a perfectionist
Find out if you’re (secretly) a perfectionist

Can setting high standards for yourself ever be a problem? For most people, striving for perfection would be considered a positive thing. For example, musicians only reach concert standard after thousands of hours of practice and athletes can't reach peak performance without long hours of training.

But there's also a negative aspect of perfectionism. Perfectionists tend to set standards that are so demanding that they are impossible to meet or can only be achieved with difficulty. While most people understand that mistakes are inevitable and that everybody messes up at times, a perfectionist believes that making a mistake means they have failed catastrophically, or that they have disappointed others and are therefore a hateful person.

This pattern of thinking makes it very frightening for a perfectionist to make a mistake. They strive to be perfect all the time and are often disappointed with themselves for not achieving the standards they have set. They may gradually come to believe they are less capable than other people. Trying so hard to be perfect and meeting impossible standards causes stress, anxiety and self-doubt.

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Are you perfectionist? Take our quiz!

If you're feeling overwhelmed with stress and anxiety, it might because that you're asking too much of yourself. There's nothing wrong with high standards. But if they're so high that they stop you enjoying life and get in the way of your school, work or relationships, you may have a problem with perfectionism. Find out whether you're secretly a perfectionist by taking our quiz:

Take a look at the following statements and check which response you think sounds most like you:

1. The more I succeed in life, the more pressure I put on myself to be even more successful

a) I'm just thankful for any successes that I achieve

b) That's true, and I feel that others will be expecting more from me as well

2. I compare myself to others I believe are more intelligent, more attractive or more talented than me

a) We can't all be good at everything, and I know I have qualities that they don't

b) Absolutely true - I constantly check my Insta for the latest posts and they knock my self-confidence

3. I always demand the absolute best from myself

a) Mostly disagree

b) Mostly agree

4. I'm not very ambitious

a) Sounds like me - I'm pretty content with my life the way it is

b) I've always been ambitious, and achieving the highest goals is very important to me

5. When someone seems to give up too easily, I don't often criticise them

a) Who know what else they have going on in their life? It's none of my business why they've given up.

b) I'm not too fond of dropouts

6. I always expect to succeed at school or work

a) No, I know I won't always be successful, and it's OK as long as I've done my best

b) Of course, that's the whole point!

7. It doesn't bother me if others shine

a) Their achievements are nothing to do with me

b) I feel compelled to try and keep up with them

8. I strive to be as perfect as I can be.

a) Not really, I get by OK

b) Nearly always

9. I should be good at anything I try, not just the stuff I know I can do well.

a) Mostly disagree

b) Mostly agree

10. People expect me to be perfect and never make mistakes

a) Not really, I don't feel any pressure

b) It certainly feels like it!

 

If you ticked mostly a's, you have a balanced attitude towards life. You're the sort of person who counts their blessings, allows themselves to make mistakes and is content with the way things are.

If you ticked mostly b's, you're showing many of the traits of a perfectionist. Read on to discover how you can overcome perfectionism so that it doesn't hold you back.

Overcoming perfectionism

The first step is to change the perfectionist way of thinking. Bach Flower Essence 10, Crab Apple, can help guard against perfectionism and obsessive thoughts.

Other useful techniques include:

1. Replace self-criticism with more helpful and realistic thoughts

People who are perfectionists are often too self-critical. Perfectionist thoughts make you see mistakes as catastrophic. Replace these ideas with realistic concepts such as "Nobody's perfect" and "Everybody has bad days sometimes". Repeat these thoughts often. You might not find them believable at first, but if you repeat them often enough, they will eventually crowd out negative self-criticism.

2. Take a different perspective

Many perfectionists find it challenging to see things from another point of view. They don't consider how others might see a scenario.

As an example, you might you're slacking if you only cycle for 20k at the weekend when you'd aimed to do 30k. Other people might think 20k is a very acceptable amount of exercise. It can be beneficial to learn to see situations as others may view them.

3. Changing perfectionist behaviour

When you have difficulties with perfectionism, it's as if you have a phobia of making mistakes. Try to overcome your "phobia" by facing your fear of being imperfect by deliberately making mistakes. Start with something small such as wearing odd socks! If people notice at all, it will likely be with a good-humoured comment. Next, spend 3 hours instead of six preparing your presentation. Gradually, you'll be able to cope with situations you would previously have avoided because of worries that things wouldn't be perfect.

4. Treat yourself

It's very challenging to face your anxieties and try new ways of thinking! Look after yourself and enjoy a reward for all your hard work. A treat such as a movie or nice meal, or just meeting up with friends, will help you to feel good about yourself and persevere with the changes you're making.

A final word

If you recognise that you're secretly a perfectionist, don't worry! Let go of some of your high standards. Accept that you're perfectly imperfect and your life will be much more fun!


Sources:

https://www.verywellmind.com/signs-you-may-be-a-perfectionist-3145233

https://www.anxietycanada.com/articles/how-to-overcome-perfectionism/


Marie Pure

Other articles


Signs you're slipping into a burn-out

Signs you're slipping into a burn-out

Learn how to recognise the signs of stress and avoid slipping into a burnout or a bore-out

Read the complete article

Can you accept things you can't change Take our quiz!

Can you accept things you can't change? Take our quiz!

Your relationship ends, or you lose your job, and you get stuck in a rut of negative thoughts and suffering. How good are you at letting go of grudges and accepting that some things are beyond your control? Take our quiz to find out!

Read the complete article

What can you do if your kid doesn't want to go back to school

What can you do if your kid doesn't want to go back to school?

What can you do if your kid doesn't want to go back to school? Here are our hints and tips to help if your child is expressing a refusal to go to school.

Read the complete article

Do you expect too much from others Find out!

Do you expect too much from others? Find out!

Most people are disappointed when others don't meet their expectations. But when you always expect too much, it isn't healthy, either for yourself or for others. If you often find yourself feeling let down by your loved ones or even by strangers, could it be that you have unrealistic ideas of how people should act?

Read the complete article

Are you healthy DIY test

Are you healthy? DIY test

Staying healthy as we get older is vitally important. Are you healthy? Take our DIY test and look out for points of concern. Take action now.

Read the complete article

Feeling blue

Feeling blue?

Feeling blue? You're not alone! We all feel sad at times; it's a normal human emotion. Sometimes, it's clear to see what has triggered our depression. Common reasons for feeling sad include bereavement, the end of a relationship, losing your job or money problems. But it's not always so clearcut.

Read the complete article

Learn to forgive How

Learn to forgive: How?

Forgiving someone isn't very easy, especially when you're hurt. Yet it is important to learn to forgive. Why and how? Read on and get to know.

Read the complete article

How to break your bad habits

How to break your bad habits

Bad habits waste your energy and time. They disrupt your life, risk your health and stop you from achieving your aims. So why do we do them? And what can we do to break our bad habits?

Read the complete article

How to know when to say no

How to know when to say no

It's often difficult to say no, but some people never do! So how do you know when to say no and when to say yes?

Read the complete article

Signs of depression under the radar

Signs of depression under the radar

It is not always obvious when someone is experiencing depression. Some people with depression mask their symptoms, hiding their feelings behind a smile to convince others they are happy.

Read the complete article

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