First of all, we should remember that nobody is perfect. This sounds hackneyed, but most of us tend to forget this in our everyday life. We have to center our attention to the good traits we have, and not the bad ones. We need to accept, that we make mistakes, and we should be grateful for everything new we learn by making these mistakes. It is important to free ourselves from regretting who we are; we should accept our personality and focus ourselves on our strengths. If you don’t want that other people see only your negative aspects, you should not do this either.
In a western movie, it is mostly obvious which is which, meaning who’s good and who’s bad. In real life, this distinction is not always easy to make. Good behavior in one situation can be completely inappropriate in other situations. Of course, a bad habit stays a bad habit, but it can be very useful under different circumstances. Are you easily scared? It might save your life in a dangerous situation. You’re very talkative? This can help you, for example, if you’d like to work as a TV-Anchor or a tourist guide. You worry too much? Maybe your big heart is very important for the people close to you. By only focusing on a negative aspect, we might ignore the positive that comes with it.
So when it comes down to you, who do you want to be? Let’s be realistic: We cannot change ourselves just like that. But we can work on improving some of our traits, meaning that maybe one day we will be less jealous, less short-tempered or less phlegmatic - whatever it is, what we are dealing with. What we should avoid strictly, is to copy other people or idols. Don’t make the mistake and try to change the person you are. You can work on certain aspects, but don’t try to change yourself 100%. Because if you want to be somebody else, then your problem is much deeper rooted than described here. To change our bad traits only makes sense if we don’t replace them by other bad traits, and we should not lose or forget our good traits either, as described above.
If some of our bad habits are really problematic for other people, what can we do about them? Several techniques can help us to contain the negative aspects of bad traits and to limit the problems which they produce in our lives:
You did something wrong or you’ve said something wrong? Say sorry! This is so much easier than you think, and it helps other people to see that you were aware of your wrongdoing. Of course you can’t always do that, and you should not repeat the mistakes you made, but a good and honest apology can help a lot.
Are there situations in which you always lose control? Try to avoid them! This is not always possible, but sometimes things we know cannot handle correctly are dispensable. This is especially true for certain people. If there is somebody you really do not like, try to avoid this person. Try to talk only the minimum, don’t share too much private information, and if you have a professional relationship, then focus on the things you really need to talk about - and nothing more.
Try to calm down. Most of our emotions are harder to control when we are upset or feel offended. Try to count down from 10 to 1, try to breathe slowly or focus on your breathing - by using relaxation techniques we are able to remove the tension from our body and react more appropriately.
Sometimes a situation seems to be unbearable. Everything we say, everything we do seems to worsen the situation more and more. So it can be a good idea to just leave the stage and go somewhere else. At least you can allow your thoughts to wander off. Think about something else, focus on the beautiful things. This can help you to not let your bad habits break out.
Everyone can work on his bad habits; everyone can try to be a better person. It is important to focus only on a very few things. You will never change as a person, but you can be a better you. Make a list of two or three things you would like to change. Maybe talk to a close friend or your partner - are these things on your list really the worst traits you have? Once you have chosen the most important issues to work on, keep your list in mind and start your transition. It won’t be easy, and it will take a while. But if you really like to change 1 or 2 aspects of your character, it is much more realistic to achieve than changing your whole personality completely.
Talk therapy with a psychologist can help us to know more about our own personality and to find ways to deal with bad traits. Ask your GP for a psychologist in your neighborhood if you have the feeling that you cannot handle this on your own.
Bach flowers work on a emotional base and can help us to balance negative thoughts and feelings. Every Bach flower works on a different emotion and by selecting the right flowers for your emotional problems, Bach flowers can change them into their positive counterpart. Do not hesitate to contact us, if you like to know more about Bach flowers and how they can help you to balance the negative aspects of your character.
Created by Tom Vermeersch (bio)
Tom Vermeersch is a certified Psychologist and Bach flower expert with more than 30 years of experience.
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First of all, we should remember that nobody is perfect. This sounds hackneyed, but most of us tend to forget this in our everyday life. We have to center our attention to the good traits we have, and not the bad ones. We need to accept, that we make mistakes, and we should be grateful for everything new we learn by making these mistakes. It is important to free ourselves from regretting who we are; we should accept our personality and focus ourselves on our strengths. If you don’t want that other people see only your negative aspects, you should not do this either.
In a western movie, it is mostly obvious which is which, meaning who’s good and who’s bad. In real life, this distinction is not always easy to make. Good behavior in one situation can be completely inappropriate in other situations. Of course, a bad habit stays a bad habit, but it can be very useful under different circumstances. Are you easily scared? It might save your life in a dangerous situation. You’re very talkative? This can help you, for example, if you’d like to work as a TV-Anchor or a tourist guide. You worry too much? Maybe your big heart is very important for the people close to you. By only focusing on a negative aspect, we might ignore the positive that comes with it.
So when it comes down to you, who do you want to be? Let’s be realistic: We cannot change ourselves just like that. But we can work on improving some of our traits, meaning that maybe one day we will be less jealous, less short-tempered or less phlegmatic - whatever it is, what we are dealing with. What we should avoid strictly, is to copy other people or idols. Don’t make the mistake and try to change the person you are. You can work on certain aspects, but don’t try to change yourself 100%. Because if you want to be somebody else, then your problem is much deeper rooted than described here. To change our bad traits only makes sense if we don’t replace them by other bad traits, and we should not lose or forget our good traits either, as described above.
If some of our bad habits are really problematic for other people, what can we do about them? Several techniques can help us to contain the negative aspects of bad traits and to limit the problems which they produce in our lives:
You did something wrong or you’ve said something wrong? Say sorry! This is so much easier than you think, and it helps other people to see that you were aware of your wrongdoing. Of course you can’t always do that, and you should not repeat the mistakes you made, but a good and honest apology can help a lot.
Are there situations in which you always lose control? Try to avoid them! This is not always possible, but sometimes things we know cannot handle correctly are dispensable. This is especially true for certain people. If there is somebody you really do not like, try to avoid this person. Try to talk only the minimum, don’t share too much private information, and if you have a professional relationship, then focus on the things you really need to talk about - and nothing more.
Try to calm down. Most of our emotions are harder to control when we are upset or feel offended. Try to count down from 10 to 1, try to breathe slowly or focus on your breathing - by using relaxation techniques we are able to remove the tension from our body and react more appropriately.
Sometimes a situation seems to be unbearable. Everything we say, everything we do seems to worsen the situation more and more. So it can be a good idea to just leave the stage and go somewhere else. At least you can allow your thoughts to wander off. Think about something else, focus on the beautiful things. This can help you to not let your bad habits break out.
Everyone can work on his bad habits; everyone can try to be a better person. It is important to focus only on a very few things. You will never change as a person, but you can be a better you. Make a list of two or three things you would like to change. Maybe talk to a close friend or your partner - are these things on your list really the worst traits you have? Once you have chosen the most important issues to work on, keep your list in mind and start your transition. It won’t be easy, and it will take a while. But if you really like to change 1 or 2 aspects of your character, it is much more realistic to achieve than changing your whole personality completely.
Talk therapy with a psychologist can help us to know more about our own personality and to find ways to deal with bad traits. Ask your GP for a psychologist in your neighborhood if you have the feeling that you cannot handle this on your own.
Bach flowers work on a emotional base and can help us to balance negative thoughts and feelings. Every Bach flower works on a different emotion and by selecting the right flowers for your emotional problems, Bach flowers can change them into their positive counterpart. Do not hesitate to contact us, if you like to know more about Bach flowers and how they can help you to balance the negative aspects of your character.
Millions of people furloughed for months are now being recalled to work. Others, who have been working from home throughout the lockdown, are returning to the office. And some jobs have simply disappeared: many people are facing redundancy and will soon have to cope with job hunting. Going back to work after an unprecedented length of time at home is quite a challenge.
Since the outbreak of the COVID-19 pandemic, governments around the world have taken unprecedented measures to stop the spread of coronavirus. The rapid changes we've seen have had an impact on almost every aspect of our lives.
Why does it sometimes feel like you're standing still while everyone else is moving forward? Of course, this isn’t really the truth, but why do we feel like this way and what can we do about it? Here are a few thoughts that will help you to move forward and live the best life you possibly can.
Read the complete article
Don’t let your mood depend on the weather, and instead create some sunshine in your life with the following tips.
Your relationship ends, or you lose your job, and you get stuck in a rut of negative thoughts and suffering. How good are you at letting go of grudges and accepting that some things are beyond your control? Take our quiz to find out!
Read the complete article
Sexual desire is a complex interaction of hormones, emotions and well-being. When your partner is not as interested in sex as you are, it’s rarely a rejection of you as a person. So it’s essential to be as empathetic as you can regarding your differing libidos.
Read some tips to get the challenge you're thinking about out of the way. Now is the time to do something, you can start right now. Read on to know more!
Read the complete article
Do you expect more from others than they are prepared to give? Signs that you may be asking too much - and how to break the pattern.
Staying healthy as we get older is vitally important. Are you healthy? Take our DIY test and look out for points of concern. Take action now.
Narcissism is a term we often see these days. But what does it mean? It's used to describe a person who is full of themselves or overly vain. However, it's not really about self-love.
Bach Flowers are not medicinal but harmless plant extracts which are used to support health.
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Are you unsure which Bach flowers can help you? Contact Tom for free advice.
