Bach Flower Advice

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Should you stay together for the kids?

There's no simple answer to the question of whether you should stay together in a miserable marriage for the sake of the children. It's essential to weigh up whether they would be happier in the family home with unhappy parents or in two households where their parents are happier although living separately.

If you are considering divorce, Bach Flower Mix 56 can help you deal with grief, reduce anxiety and worry about the children and face the future with confidence.

What are the risks of staying together?

Children may experience several detrimental effects if an unhappy couple decides to stay together, characterised by frustration, pain and anger. First on the list is that children may learn poor parenting skills that they will pass on to future generations.

Kids who grow up in a home with constant stress, conflict and unhappiness may also be less successful as adults. In addition, they may have difficulty in forming relationships, managing their emotions and having low self-esteem.

Some children say they feel relief when their parents divorce, as everyone is happier in the long run. And parents may find their relationship with their children is better than if they had stayed in an unhappy marriage.

Staying together in a bad marriage also increases the risk of the children suffering neglect. It may be physical neglect; for example, a single parent may not be available for the kids as much as they would like. Neglect can also be emotional; for example, when a parent is too distressed to comfort their child or when parents cannot or will not go to significant events together.

So if parents cannot raise their family together in a caring, stable environment, co-parenting in separate homes may be the best solution. When parents communicate amicably, respect one another, and place the children's interests over their own, children can thrive after a divorce.

What are the advantages of staying together?

Decades ago, relationship experts almost always advised couples to stay together. Thanks to more recent research, this advice has now changed. However, parents divorcing does pose some risks to the children.

Some studies show that children of separated parents do less well at school and have lower-paid jobs than children from families where the parents have stayed together.

In families where the parents can communicate civilly and cooperate to parent the children, staying together under one roof may be a feasible option. But sacrificing their own needs and desires for those of the children can place too great a strain on those in miserable marriages.

Creating a stronger bond between the parents is of benefit to all concerned. But to do so requires massive emotional investment, and both parties must be wholly committed.

Deciding whether to divorce

There is no easy answer when deciding whether to divorce, so you could start by considering these questions:

• Is abuse a factor?

Experts agree that divorce is necessary where there is any child abuse, whether sexual, physical or emotional.

It is sometimes possible for abusers to change their behaviour, for example, by attending parenting classes. In such cases, you could try a temporary separation. But staying together is a risk, and it is the parent's responsibility to protect their children from an abuser.

Abuse of a partner, which can include verbal, physical, financial and psychological abuse, should also cause you to reevaluate your relationship. Abusive behaviour between adults damages not only the person being abused but also any children who are present and witness it.

If you are in an abusive relationship and don't know where to seek help, Women's Aid can provide advice and support to women and children at risk of domestic violence. And if you feel you are at immediate risk, call 999. If you can't talk, you can press 55 to alert the police silently that you are in danger.

Don't wait to take action. If you have approached your partner about their behaviour and they aren't willing to make changes, consider divorce or separation. Your own and your children's safety must be your priority.

• Can you co-parent positively?

If parents can work together and put their personal differences to one side for the sake of the children, it may benefit the kids if they remain together; if this is impossible, the children may be better off if the parents divorce amicably.

• Can you repair your marriage?

Before divorcing, it's vital that couples make every effort to repair their marriage. Have you tried counselling or couples therapy to resolve your differences? And are both partners willing to make the effort required?

When divorce is inevitable

Deciding whether to stay in a less-than-perfect marriage or to divorce is often a complicated question, and if you have children, it becomes even more challenging. You must consider not only your own interests and desires but also those of the kids.

Both parents should try to work together amicably in parenting the children - making this commitment will ensure that the divorce process causes them less pain and stress so they can thrive and grow into well-balanced adults.

A final thought

Remember that you are far from the only couple going through a difficult time. Many people experience challenging periods during their marriage and succeed in working things out and staying together. But, unfortunately, for other couples, it's just not possible.

If you decide to divorce, many resources are available to assist you through the process. As a result, you can create a happy life and a positive future for you and the kids, whether parenting in two homes or together.


Sources:

https://www.nspcc.org.uk/keeping-children-safe/support-for-parents/separation-and-divorce/

https://www.familylaw.co.uk/news_and_comment/don-t-stay-together-for-our-sake-say-children

Created by Tom Vermeersch ()

Tom Vermeersch

Tom Vermeersch is a certified Psychologist and Bach flower expert with more than 30 years of experience.

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Should you stay together for the kids?

Should you stay together for the kids?

There's no simple answer to the question of whether you should stay together in a miserable marriage for the sake of the children. It's essential to weigh up whether they would be happier in the family home with unhappy parents or in two households where their parents are happier although living separately.

If you are considering divorce, Bach Flower Mix 56 can help you deal with grief, reduce anxiety and worry about the children and face the future with confidence.

Bach flowers personal mix

Bach flowers personal mix:

  • Personal combination
  • Based on your symptoms and character
  • Bach flower remedy personally selected by Tom
  • Fast and good results
Discover how Personal Bach flowers remedy - Wizard can help you

What are the risks of staying together?

Children may experience several detrimental effects if an unhappy couple decides to stay together, characterised by frustration, pain and anger. First on the list is that children may learn poor parenting skills that they will pass on to future generations.

Kids who grow up in a home with constant stress, conflict and unhappiness may also be less successful as adults. In addition, they may have difficulty in forming relationships, managing their emotions and having low self-esteem.

Some children say they feel relief when their parents divorce, as everyone is happier in the long run. And parents may find their relationship with their children is better than if they had stayed in an unhappy marriage.

Staying together in a bad marriage also increases the risk of the children suffering neglect. It may be physical neglect; for example, a single parent may not be available for the kids as much as they would like. Neglect can also be emotional; for example, when a parent is too distressed to comfort their child or when parents cannot or will not go to significant events together.

So if parents cannot raise their family together in a caring, stable environment, co-parenting in separate homes may be the best solution. When parents communicate amicably, respect one another, and place the children's interests over their own, children can thrive after a divorce.

What are the advantages of staying together?

Decades ago, relationship experts almost always advised couples to stay together. Thanks to more recent research, this advice has now changed. However, parents divorcing does pose some risks to the children.

Some studies show that children of separated parents do less well at school and have lower-paid jobs than children from families where the parents have stayed together.

In families where the parents can communicate civilly and cooperate to parent the children, staying together under one roof may be a feasible option. But sacrificing their own needs and desires for those of the children can place too great a strain on those in miserable marriages.

Creating a stronger bond between the parents is of benefit to all concerned. But to do so requires massive emotional investment, and both parties must be wholly committed.

Deciding whether to divorce

There is no easy answer when deciding whether to divorce, so you could start by considering these questions:

• Is abuse a factor?

Experts agree that divorce is necessary where there is any child abuse, whether sexual, physical or emotional.

It is sometimes possible for abusers to change their behaviour, for example, by attending parenting classes. In such cases, you could try a temporary separation. But staying together is a risk, and it is the parent's responsibility to protect their children from an abuser.

Abuse of a partner, which can include verbal, physical, financial and psychological abuse, should also cause you to reevaluate your relationship. Abusive behaviour between adults damages not only the person being abused but also any children who are present and witness it.

If you are in an abusive relationship and don't know where to seek help, Women's Aid can provide advice and support to women and children at risk of domestic violence. And if you feel you are at immediate risk, call 999. If you can't talk, you can press 55 to alert the police silently that you are in danger.

Don't wait to take action. If you have approached your partner about their behaviour and they aren't willing to make changes, consider divorce or separation. Your own and your children's safety must be your priority.

• Can you co-parent positively?

If parents can work together and put their personal differences to one side for the sake of the children, it may benefit the kids if they remain together; if this is impossible, the children may be better off if the parents divorce amicably.

• Can you repair your marriage?

Before divorcing, it's vital that couples make every effort to repair their marriage. Have you tried counselling or couples therapy to resolve your differences? And are both partners willing to make the effort required?

When divorce is inevitable

Deciding whether to stay in a less-than-perfect marriage or to divorce is often a complicated question, and if you have children, it becomes even more challenging. You must consider not only your own interests and desires but also those of the kids.

Both parents should try to work together amicably in parenting the children - making this commitment will ensure that the divorce process causes them less pain and stress so they can thrive and grow into well-balanced adults.

A final thought

Remember that you are far from the only couple going through a difficult time. Many people experience challenging periods during their marriage and succeed in working things out and staying together. But, unfortunately, for other couples, it's just not possible.

If you decide to divorce, many resources are available to assist you through the process. As a result, you can create a happy life and a positive future for you and the kids, whether parenting in two homes or together.


Sources:

https://www.nspcc.org.uk/keeping-children-safe/support-for-parents/separation-and-divorce/

https://www.familylaw.co.uk/news_and_comment/don-t-stay-together-for-our-sake-say-children


Marie Pure

Other articles


Did you get stuck in the past

Did you get stuck in the past?

Do you find yourself often thinking about your past? Do you wish you could turn back the clock to days gone by or things as they were before covid disrupted the world?

Read the complete article

Are things moving too fast for you

Are things moving too fast for you?

If you're worried that the world is changing too fast, you're not alone: technology is constantly developing, and it can be challenging to keep up with all the changes. As a result, many people - not just the older generations - feel anxious that they might get left behind.

Read the complete article

Even the brightest minds have setbacks!

Even the brightest minds have setbacks!

We all want to be successful but many of us find the path to achieving our dreams is blocked by our fear of failure. Whether you’re trying to lose weight, go backpacking around the world or start up a new business, you need to accept that you might fail many times over before you achieve success.

Read the complete article

Standing Up To A Narcissistic Pervert

Standing Up To A Narcissistic Pervert

Whether it's with a romantic partner or a housemate, there's no doubt that a relationship with a narcissist can be very challenging. But are there ways to cope better? Or is it better to leave the relationship? 

Read the complete article

Find out if you're suffering from imposter syndrome

Find out if you're suffering from imposter syndrome

Do you sometimes feel your achievements are not the result of your hard work and skill but are just luck? And do you fear that one day, someone will reveal you as an imposter or fraud? You might have imposter syndrome!

Read the complete article

How to beat irrational anxieties

How to beat irrational anxieties

Irrational anxieties can seem overwhelming, affecting every aspect of your life. Learn how to beat your fears and worries and take back control.

Read the complete article

Can you accept things you can't change Take our quiz!

Can you accept things you can't change? Take our quiz!

Your relationship ends, or you lose your job, and you get stuck in a rut of negative thoughts and suffering. How good are you at letting go of grudges and accepting that some things are beyond your control? Take our quiz to find out!

Read the complete article

Why a life without stress and obstacles is unrewarding

Why a life without stress and obstacles is unrewarding

Stress can be both good and bad; it’s up to you how you look at it. But too much stress can be dangerous. Read more about stress in this article!

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Is it OCD Find out!

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Read the complete article

How to spice up your life

How to spice up your life

Do you feel you're always doing the same things and not getting anywhere? It's common to feel stuck in a rut, treading water and just going through the motions.

Read the complete article

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