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There's no simple answer to the question of whether you should stay together in a miserable marriage for the sake of the children. It's essential to weigh up whether they would be happier in the family home with unhappy parents or in two households where their parents are happier although living separately.
If you are considering divorce, Bach Flower Mix 56 can help you deal with grief, reduce anxiety and worry about the children and face the future with confidence.
Children may experience several detrimental effects if an unhappy couple decides to stay together, characterised by frustration, pain and anger. First on the list is that children may learn poor parenting skills that they will pass on to future generations.
Kids who grow up in a home with constant stress, conflict and unhappiness may also be less successful as adults. In addition, they may have difficulty in forming relationships, managing their emotions and having low self-esteem.
Some children say they feel relief when their parents divorce, as everyone is happier in the long run. And parents may find their relationship with their children is better than if they had stayed in an unhappy marriage.
Staying together in a bad marriage also increases the risk of the children suffering neglect. It may be physical neglect; for example, a single parent may not be available for the kids as much as they would like. Neglect can also be emotional; for example, when a parent is too distressed to comfort their child or when parents cannot or will not go to significant events together.
So if parents cannot raise their family together in a caring, stable environment, co-parenting in separate homes may be the best solution. When parents communicate amicably, respect one another, and place the children's interests over their own, children can thrive after a divorce.
Decades ago, relationship experts almost always advised couples to stay together. Thanks to more recent research, this advice has now changed. However, parents divorcing does pose some risks to the children.
Some studies show that children of separated parents do less well at school and have lower-paid jobs than children from families where the parents have stayed together.
In families where the parents can communicate civilly and cooperate to parent the children, staying together under one roof may be a feasible option. But sacrificing their own needs and desires for those of the children can place too great a strain on those in miserable marriages.
Creating a stronger bond between the parents is of benefit to all concerned. But to do so requires massive emotional investment, and both parties must be wholly committed.
There is no easy answer when deciding whether to divorce, so you could start by considering these questions:
Experts agree that divorce is necessary where there is any child abuse, whether sexual, physical or emotional.
It is sometimes possible for abusers to change their behaviour, for example, by attending parenting classes. In such cases, you could try a temporary separation. But staying together is a risk, and it is the parent's responsibility to protect their children from an abuser.
Abuse of a partner, which can include verbal, physical, financial and psychological abuse, should also cause you to reevaluate your relationship. Abusive behaviour between adults damages not only the person being abused but also any children who are present and witness it.
If you are in an abusive relationship and don't know where to seek help, Women's Aid can provide advice and support to women and children at risk of domestic violence. And if you feel you are at immediate risk, call 999. If you can't talk, you can press 55 to alert the police silently that you are in danger.
Don't wait to take action. If you have approached your partner about their behaviour and they aren't willing to make changes, consider divorce or separation. Your own and your children's safety must be your priority.
If parents can work together and put their personal differences to one side for the sake of the children, it may benefit the kids if they remain together; if this is impossible, the children may be better off if the parents divorce amicably.
Before divorcing, it's vital that couples make every effort to repair their marriage. Have you tried counselling or couples therapy to resolve your differences? And are both partners willing to make the effort required?
Deciding whether to stay in a less-than-perfect marriage or to divorce is often a complicated question, and if you have children, it becomes even more challenging. You must consider not only your own interests and desires but also those of the kids.
Both parents should try to work together amicably in parenting the children - making this commitment will ensure that the divorce process causes them less pain and stress so they can thrive and grow into well-balanced adults.
Remember that you are far from the only couple going through a difficult time. Many people experience challenging periods during their marriage and succeed in working things out and staying together. But, unfortunately, for other couples, it's just not possible.
If you decide to divorce, many resources are available to assist you through the process. As a result, you can create a happy life and a positive future for you and the kids, whether parenting in two homes or together.
Sources:
https://www.nspcc.org.uk/keeping-children-safe/support-for-parents/separation-and-divorce/
https://www.familylaw.co.uk/news_and_comment/don-t-stay-together-for-our-sake-say-children
Created by Tom Vermeersch (bio)
Tom Vermeersch is a certified Psychologist and Bach flower expert with more than 30 years of experience.
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There's no simple answer to the question of whether you should stay together in a miserable marriage for the sake of the children. It's essential to weigh up whether they would be happier in the family home with unhappy parents or in two households where their parents are happier although living separately.
If you are considering divorce, Bach Flower Mix 56 can help you deal with grief, reduce anxiety and worry about the children and face the future with confidence.
Children may experience several detrimental effects if an unhappy couple decides to stay together, characterised by frustration, pain and anger. First on the list is that children may learn poor parenting skills that they will pass on to future generations.
Kids who grow up in a home with constant stress, conflict and unhappiness may also be less successful as adults. In addition, they may have difficulty in forming relationships, managing their emotions and having low self-esteem.
Some children say they feel relief when their parents divorce, as everyone is happier in the long run. And parents may find their relationship with their children is better than if they had stayed in an unhappy marriage.
Staying together in a bad marriage also increases the risk of the children suffering neglect. It may be physical neglect; for example, a single parent may not be available for the kids as much as they would like. Neglect can also be emotional; for example, when a parent is too distressed to comfort their child or when parents cannot or will not go to significant events together.
So if parents cannot raise their family together in a caring, stable environment, co-parenting in separate homes may be the best solution. When parents communicate amicably, respect one another, and place the children's interests over their own, children can thrive after a divorce.
Decades ago, relationship experts almost always advised couples to stay together. Thanks to more recent research, this advice has now changed. However, parents divorcing does pose some risks to the children.
Some studies show that children of separated parents do less well at school and have lower-paid jobs than children from families where the parents have stayed together.
In families where the parents can communicate civilly and cooperate to parent the children, staying together under one roof may be a feasible option. But sacrificing their own needs and desires for those of the children can place too great a strain on those in miserable marriages.
Creating a stronger bond between the parents is of benefit to all concerned. But to do so requires massive emotional investment, and both parties must be wholly committed.
There is no easy answer when deciding whether to divorce, so you could start by considering these questions:
Experts agree that divorce is necessary where there is any child abuse, whether sexual, physical or emotional.
It is sometimes possible for abusers to change their behaviour, for example, by attending parenting classes. In such cases, you could try a temporary separation. But staying together is a risk, and it is the parent's responsibility to protect their children from an abuser.
Abuse of a partner, which can include verbal, physical, financial and psychological abuse, should also cause you to reevaluate your relationship. Abusive behaviour between adults damages not only the person being abused but also any children who are present and witness it.
If you are in an abusive relationship and don't know where to seek help, Women's Aid can provide advice and support to women and children at risk of domestic violence. And if you feel you are at immediate risk, call 999. If you can't talk, you can press 55 to alert the police silently that you are in danger.
Don't wait to take action. If you have approached your partner about their behaviour and they aren't willing to make changes, consider divorce or separation. Your own and your children's safety must be your priority.
If parents can work together and put their personal differences to one side for the sake of the children, it may benefit the kids if they remain together; if this is impossible, the children may be better off if the parents divorce amicably.
Before divorcing, it's vital that couples make every effort to repair their marriage. Have you tried counselling or couples therapy to resolve your differences? And are both partners willing to make the effort required?
Deciding whether to stay in a less-than-perfect marriage or to divorce is often a complicated question, and if you have children, it becomes even more challenging. You must consider not only your own interests and desires but also those of the kids.
Both parents should try to work together amicably in parenting the children - making this commitment will ensure that the divorce process causes them less pain and stress so they can thrive and grow into well-balanced adults.
Remember that you are far from the only couple going through a difficult time. Many people experience challenging periods during their marriage and succeed in working things out and staying together. But, unfortunately, for other couples, it's just not possible.
If you decide to divorce, many resources are available to assist you through the process. As a result, you can create a happy life and a positive future for you and the kids, whether parenting in two homes or together.
Sources:
https://www.nspcc.org.uk/keeping-children-safe/support-for-parents/separation-and-divorce/
https://www.familylaw.co.uk/news_and_comment/don-t-stay-together-for-our-sake-say-children
Your relationship ends, or you lose your job, and you get stuck in a rut of negative thoughts and suffering. How good are you at letting go of grudges and accepting that some things are beyond your control? Take our quiz to find out!
Read the complete article
Sometimes it’s hard to notice when we've become trapped in familiar routines. Take our quiz to find out if you’re stuck in a rut and what you can do about it.
Read the complete article
For many people, 2020 has been one of the worst years they can remember. The COVID -19 pandemic and social unrest have changed our lives in ways we would not have believed possible a year ago. And when January 2021 comes around, we're still likely to be facing many challenges. Can 2021 be a better year?
Read the complete article
Do you have enough resilience to face the world out there? Take our quiz to find out how resilient you are and find tips on how to build your mental resilience.
You see the word "toxic" everywhere these days, but what does it really mean? You've almost certainly come across someone who fits the description. Dealing with difficult personalities can be challenging and emotionally exhausting, to say the least.
Nowadays, it can sometimes seem almost everyone has a mental health issue or learning disorder. But, are we too quick to label people, or is it that we are more aware of the problems? This article looks at some of the issues surrounding these sensitive questions.
It's natural to compare our own lives with those of others - weighing up the pros and cons of situations helps us make decisions. But there can be a downside when you find you're constantly comparing yourself with others, envying their seemingly perfect lives and wondering why they are luckier, more prosperous, and better looking than you.
Do you sometimes feel your achievements are not the result of your hard work and skill but are just luck? And do you fear that one day, someone will reveal you as an imposter or fraud? You might have imposter syndrome!
Have you considered yoga? There are many advantages to practicing yoga. It is a holistic practice benefitting you physically, emotionally & mentally.
We all want to be successful but many of us find the path to achieving our dreams is blocked by our fear of failure. Whether you’re trying to lose weight, go backpacking around the world or start up a new business, you need to accept that you might fail many times over before you achieve success.
Bach Flowers are not medicinal but harmless plant extracts which are used to support health.
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Are you unsure which Bach flowers can help you? Contact Tom for free advice.
