People care too much about what others think, even if they claim they do not. Do people really think about others so often? Whose opinion matters most when it's about to you? Yours! So why do people crave the judgments of others? We will explain and discuss the most frequent reasons in this article.
People with a low self-esteem tend to overrate other people’s opinions. Because they doubt their own capacities, they constantly look for the reassurance of others. This doesn’t help very much, as other people have other values, other lives and other experiences. Their judgements might therefore be misleading. What is good for one person does not need to be the best for another person. That’s why it is so important to trust in his own capacities and judgements instead of relying on other people’s opinions.
You had some bad experiences in the past or you made some bad decisions which you are regretting now? This can lead to the situation, that you lose the trust in your own decisions, meaning you do not trust yourself anymore. But when you take a look around, who else knows you better than yourself? Exactly, there is nobody. So if you made some mistakes in the past, it doesn’t mean that everything you do is wrong. It just proves that you are making mistakes. Mistakes are the best way to learn. So you should feel stronger after every mistake you made, every failure you experienced. Of course there is nothing wrong about asking other people about their opinions or advice, but don’t forget that you are the captain - This is your life!
When we start a new job, begin a new sport or we arrive in a new community, we are sometimes unsure how to act or react in this new environment. We ask other people for help, to explain or to introduce us. But this does not free us from the fact that we all need to make our own experiences. That’s why it’s good to learn from other people, but it’s wrong to take over their evaluations or opinions. We have to make our own experiences, no matter if they do or do not match with those from others.
If somebody has a tendency to isolate himself, this can lead to a decreased social life and rare contacts to other people. In these types of situations, there is a danger of losing connection to the world around us. As our contacts with other people become fewer, as higher is the barrier for a comeback to social life. The same problem occurs sometimes after a breakup or a failed relationship. When the period of grievance finishes, we may feel like kids exploring a new world, we have to learn how to chat with strangers again, how to go out again, how to connect with new people. It is important to remember in these situations, that even if your relationship failed, this does not mean automatically that you have failed as a person. That’s why you should remember your capacities, instead of being stuck in the negative environment you may come from. We have to leave isolation behind; we have to go out and enjoy life again – we don’t need to update our problems from the past.
Many people have idols or role models they like to follow. They dress like their idols, they try to behave the same way and they tend to compare their own lives with the life of their role model. This can be very depressing, as we usually choose our role models in very successful or famous people. Do our idols bring the trash out, wash the dishes and clean their toilets the same way like we do? Probably not, but we don’t know it. The thing is, when we constantly compare ourselves with other people, disappointments are guaranteed. Because we only see pictures, or movies, we cannot look behind the scenes. Maybe our idol suffers from depression, and still we see those happy shiny pictures on social media? Do not compare yourself with others! Live your own life, take care of your own stuff and maybe you will be luckier one day than your role model has ever been!
Do you have a Smartphone? Can you imagine living without it? It may sound weird, but just 15 years ago nobody on our planet Earth had a Smartphone at all. This example illustrates, that things we need, things we buy and things we miss are directly related to the things which other people have. We cannot free ourselves from social norms and expectations. On the other hand, not everything fits to us. Don’t lose contact to the world around you, keep your eyes and mind open. Is a new trend something for you? Who knows best but you? At the end of the day, you make the decision and not society. But to be able to make this decision, you should know what the others are talking about. Therefore, a minimal participation on social life is always necessary.
It’s a good thing to know the world around us, other people’s opinions and to learn from them. But when it comes to your own life, the most qualified person is still you! Don’t be afraid of making mistakes; don’t fear the judgment of other people, because you are the only one in charge!
Created by Tom Vermeersch (bio)
Tom Vermeersch is a certified Psychologist and Bach flower expert with more than 30 years of experience.
"Bach Flower Advice" becomes "Mariepure"
After 25 years in the Bach flower world, we asked ourselves, is now the right time for our own new name? Not only have we grown, but so have you, along with the confidence you have in us. That's why we want to connect ourselves to our own name. That name is Mariepure.
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People care too much about what others think, even if they claim they do not. Do people really think about others so often? Whose opinion matters most when it's about to you? Yours! So why do people crave the judgments of others? We will explain and discuss the most frequent reasons in this article.
People with a low self-esteem tend to overrate other people’s opinions. Because they doubt their own capacities, they constantly look for the reassurance of others. This doesn’t help very much, as other people have other values, other lives and other experiences. Their judgements might therefore be misleading. What is good for one person does not need to be the best for another person. That’s why it is so important to trust in his own capacities and judgements instead of relying on other people’s opinions.
You had some bad experiences in the past or you made some bad decisions which you are regretting now? This can lead to the situation, that you lose the trust in your own decisions, meaning you do not trust yourself anymore. But when you take a look around, who else knows you better than yourself? Exactly, there is nobody. So if you made some mistakes in the past, it doesn’t mean that everything you do is wrong. It just proves that you are making mistakes. Mistakes are the best way to learn. So you should feel stronger after every mistake you made, every failure you experienced. Of course there is nothing wrong about asking other people about their opinions or advice, but don’t forget that you are the captain - This is your life!
When we start a new job, begin a new sport or we arrive in a new community, we are sometimes unsure how to act or react in this new environment. We ask other people for help, to explain or to introduce us. But this does not free us from the fact that we all need to make our own experiences. That’s why it’s good to learn from other people, but it’s wrong to take over their evaluations or opinions. We have to make our own experiences, no matter if they do or do not match with those from others.
If somebody has a tendency to isolate himself, this can lead to a decreased social life and rare contacts to other people. In these types of situations, there is a danger of losing connection to the world around us. As our contacts with other people become fewer, as higher is the barrier for a comeback to social life. The same problem occurs sometimes after a breakup or a failed relationship. When the period of grievance finishes, we may feel like kids exploring a new world, we have to learn how to chat with strangers again, how to go out again, how to connect with new people. It is important to remember in these situations, that even if your relationship failed, this does not mean automatically that you have failed as a person. That’s why you should remember your capacities, instead of being stuck in the negative environment you may come from. We have to leave isolation behind; we have to go out and enjoy life again – we don’t need to update our problems from the past.
Many people have idols or role models they like to follow. They dress like their idols, they try to behave the same way and they tend to compare their own lives with the life of their role model. This can be very depressing, as we usually choose our role models in very successful or famous people. Do our idols bring the trash out, wash the dishes and clean their toilets the same way like we do? Probably not, but we don’t know it. The thing is, when we constantly compare ourselves with other people, disappointments are guaranteed. Because we only see pictures, or movies, we cannot look behind the scenes. Maybe our idol suffers from depression, and still we see those happy shiny pictures on social media? Do not compare yourself with others! Live your own life, take care of your own stuff and maybe you will be luckier one day than your role model has ever been!
Do you have a Smartphone? Can you imagine living without it? It may sound weird, but just 15 years ago nobody on our planet Earth had a Smartphone at all. This example illustrates, that things we need, things we buy and things we miss are directly related to the things which other people have. We cannot free ourselves from social norms and expectations. On the other hand, not everything fits to us. Don’t lose contact to the world around you, keep your eyes and mind open. Is a new trend something for you? Who knows best but you? At the end of the day, you make the decision and not society. But to be able to make this decision, you should know what the others are talking about. Therefore, a minimal participation on social life is always necessary.
It’s a good thing to know the world around us, other people’s opinions and to learn from them. But when it comes to your own life, the most qualified person is still you! Don’t be afraid of making mistakes; don’t fear the judgment of other people, because you are the only one in charge!
After 25 years in the Bach flower world, we asked ourselves, is now the right time for our own new name? Not only have we grown, but so have you, along with the confidence you have in us. That's why we want to connect ourselves to our own name. That name is Mariepure.
It happens to everyone at times: we start doubting ourselves. We worry about the decisions and whether we can face future challenges that life has in store. And sometimes we feel that we just aren't good enough.
People always think: that’s just me. I'm not good at 'X', that is just my character. Here are some reasons why it's never too late to change.
Read the complete article
Do you have enough resilience to face the world out there? Take our quiz to find out how resilient you are and find tips on how to build your mental resilience.
Sometimes it’s hard to notice when we've become trapped in familiar routines. Take our quiz to find out if you’re stuck in a rut and what you can do about it.
Read the complete article
Do you ever feel lonely? Do you think it’s possible to be happy by yourself? Being happy by yourself is perfectly feasible. We’ve come up with a list of helpful tips for you to consider that turns being alone into a positive state of affairs. Read our advice here.
Narcissism is a term we often see these days. But what does it mean? It's used to describe a person who is full of themselves or overly vain. However, it's not really about self-love.
When you think about things that will make you happy, what are the images that come to mind? Wealth, beauty, a dream house, long holidays, a top of the range car? Happiness is not a constant and how happy we feel depends on the way we choose to live our lives.
Do you suffer from a disorder known as "musturbation"? This term was first coined in the 1950s by psychotherapist Albert Ellis and described the way a negative inner voice rules our minds and bludgeons us with words such as "must", "should", and "ought".
Can we learn from our mistakes and develop a stronger, healthier emotional bondwith our kids? To help you identify your weak spots, we’ve rounded up some of the most common mistakes parents make.
Bach Flowers are not medicinal but harmless plant extracts which are used to support health.
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