Are you codependant? Take the quiz!

Do you ever wonder if your care and kindness towards other people are just you being helpful to the people you love, or whether your relationship might actually be codependent? Take our quiz to find out!

What is codependency?

The best way to think of codependency is as a supportive relationship that's become so intense that it's unhealthy. The term codependent is often used in counselling for substance abuse, but it's also applied when describing other relationships.

There's a fine line between the natural human instinct to care for others and a relationship that has become codependent. A codependent relationship is not truly fulfilling for either partner. Because it leaves you with no time or space for yourself, codependency will eventually damage your self-esteem and leave you emotionally exhausted.

Take our codependency quiz

Answer Yes or No to the following questions to see whether you're codependent.

• Do you tend to let others get close to you quickly and then often feel used and hurt by them?
• Do you usually say yes to every request, even when you don't really want to do something?
• Do you feel insecure and doubt yourself, even when you are an expert in the area?
• Do you invest too much energy and time in the needs of others while ignoring your own needs?
• Do you find it difficult to recognise your thoughts and feelings?
• When there's a conflict in your relationship, are your emotional reactions very intense?
• Do you sometimes find that you distance yourself from others as a protective response?
• Do you get a sense of personal value from how others view you?
• Do you brood and overanalyse mistakes you might have made in previous relationships?
• Do you find it hard to define your own needs?
• Have you sometimes been described as being "needy" in your relationships?
• Do you sometimes feel that your relationship isn't balanced and that you're always the one who has to compromise or make sacrifices?
• Do you always try to fix other people?
• Do you think everything in your life would be fine if only a particular person could change?
• Do you feel such a compelling need for love and affirmation that it can cause relationship problems?
• Do you try to get your needs met with passive-aggressive tactics?
• Can you take constructive feedback, or are you overwhelmed with guilt or shame when someone criticises something you've done?
• Do you find it difficult to trust other people?
• Do you experience outbursts of irritability or intense anger?
• Do you have an ambivalent attitude to intimacy, pushing people away even while wanting to be closer?
• Do you feel compelled to make sure that everyone else is happy, even if you might be feeling dejected?

How many questions did you answer with "Yes?" A score of five or more may indicate that you are tending towards codependency. But once you've identified that there may be a problem, you can take the first steps towards a happier life.

Learn to value yourself

Codependency is often linked to low self-esteem. If your self-belief is linked to the extent to which you care for others, it can be challenging to learn to value yourself in a way that doesn't depend on your personal relationships.

But valuing yourself more will boost your happiness, self-esteem and confidence. You will then find it easier to set boundaries and express your needs, two keys to escaping codependency.

Increasing your sense of self-worth will take time. These tips will help get you started:

• It can be challenging to make the decision to leave a codependent relationship. As a first step, limit the time you spend with people who make you feel bad about yourself. Some people drain you of energy. Try surrounding yourself with people who can support you and appreciate and value you for who you are.
• Make time to do the stuff you enjoy. You might have spent so much time caring for others that you've not been able to follow your interests or hobbies. Make some space every day to do the stuff that interests you and makes you happy, even if it's just going for a walk, reading a book or watching a movie.
• Look after your physical health. Everyone has basic needs that must be met before they can fulfil their potential. When you get the essentials right by eating healthily, exercising and getting adequate sleep, your emotional health will improve as well.
• Stop listening to your negative inner critic. Reframe and challenge negative thoughts in a way that affirms your self-worth. Instead of saying" I'm a failure", tell yourself that you're doing the best you can. Bach Flower Mix 78 for separation anxiety can help overcome codependency. It contains Bach flower essences that help conquer fears of being abandoned, avoid panic attacks and boost self-belief. When you've learned to value yourself again, you can start moving forward, making decisions, and living a happy, fulfilling life.

Sources:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/conquering-codependency/202010/how-conquer-codependency

https://www.healthline.com/health/how-to-stop-being-codependent#value-yourself

Other articles

Isn't depression just a fancy word for feeling a bit down?

Mental health issues such as depression and anxiety affect around 1 in 6 people at some stage of their life. Despite it being such a common problem, many sufferers wait months or even years before seeking help.

Do you expect too much from others?

Do you expect more from others than they are prepared to give? Signs that you may be asking too much - and how to break the pattern.

Are you stuck in a rut?

Sometimes it’s hard to notice when we've become trapped in familiar routines. Take our quiz to find out if you’re stuck in a rut and what you can do about it.

7 tips to help your dog with a fear of fireworks

As nice as it is for a person to celebrate New Year, it's not so nice for a dog, especially when the loud fireworks go off the whole night. This is really frightening for many dogs. Read our 7 tips on how you can help your dog with his fear of fireworks.

Why not me?

It's natural to compare our own lives with those of others - weighing up the pros and cons of situations helps us make decisions. But there can be a downside when you find you're constantly comparing yourself with others, envying their seemingly perfect lives and wondering why they are luckier, more prosperous, and better looking than you.

20 natural ways to prevent and relieve headaches

Headaches can be a real nuisance, especially if you get them frequently. Luckily, there are many natural ways to prevent and relieve headaches without needing to reach for over the counter medication.

Feeling blue?

Feeling blue? You're not alone! We all feel sad at times; it's a normal human emotion. Sometimes, it's clear to see what has triggered our depression. Common reasons for feeling sad include bereavement, the end of a relationship, losing your job or money problems. But it's not always so clearcut.

What makes it so hard to go back to work?

Millions of people furloughed for months are now being recalled to work. Others, who have been working from home throughout the lockdown, are returning to the office. And some jobs have simply disappeared: many people are facing redundancy and will soon have to cope with job hunting. Going back to work after an unprecedented length of time at home is quite a challenge.

Fact or fiction? Is it truly healthy?

There's so much contradictory health advice out there, it gets confusing. One year, butter is said to be bad for you, and margarine is better. The following year, it's the other way around. One article says running causes strain on your joints; another says it's good for you because it increases bone strength.

How to beat irrational anxieties

Irrational anxieties can seem overwhelming, affecting every aspect of your life. Learn how to beat your fears and worries and take back control.